King Louis van Gaal, manager of a once great football club called Manchester United, has been offered the lead role in a remake of Disney's fabulous classic, Jungle Book!
He will sit on his throne, suck and spit out bananas, slip up on their skins (because that's what he's been doing ever since he landed the job at United), and do a "Double Dutch" rendition of "Always look on the bright side of life" as the highlight of the film.
His position at United will be taken over by the real King Louis, a huge, mad baboon, because Manchester United fans are demanding a manager that "attacks, attacks, attacks" and forgets the basics of modern top soccer, possession, possession, possession, introduced by a bunch of ticky-tacky Spaniards that revolutionised the modern game! Sadly they forgot to inform Manchester United fans still living under a RED SMOG created by a particular Scottish Heathen a long time ago!
King Louis van Gaal is over the moon at the offer, and because he's slipped on too many banana skins in Manchester thrown at him by the knowledgeable English tabloids, he has decided to follow his long life ambition; to sit on his golden throne and not act like a baboon, but just be one at last!
