London, EN In yet another sign that things aren't what they used to be for the Royals, it was announced that at least seven door knob polishers, from five different palaces, were given the pink slip on Monday.
In related news, the chimney sweeps of four of the royal palaces were only given yearly contracts, the smallest contract in 640 years. Panic has been spreading all through the royal households. Even the barkers, besom makers, charwomen, fanners, netters, nippers, riggers, and tubbers are starting to worry that their secure, plumb positions might be at risk.
This publication will keep abreast of further important breaking events.