After the people of Oldham have shown their support for the terrorist supporters leading the Labour Party the Government has put strike aircraft in Lossiemouth on standby for an attack on this citadel of terrorism.
David Cameron told a hushed House of Commons that collateral damage resulting from the bombing of terrorists in Oldham would be kept to a minimum. However the terrorists were using the cover of the Royal Oldham Hospital to plot strikes against the Government by junior doctors so a few patients may be injured.
'However' Cameron assured the House 'many patients are already injured so there will be little real difference.'
Another target will be the grounds of the football team Oldham Athletic where suspected terrorist sympathisers were known to lurk. One of them had even described a referee recently as 'needing to get his fucking eyes tested'. This clear evidence of the violence in the character of the people of Oldham was enough, the PM contended, to suspect that outrages might be perpetrated by these villians.