Written by Noshing Mink

Thursday, 3 December 2015

image for Former footballer Stan Collymore quits Labour Party, joins SNP and changes name to Hamish McSporran in protest at 67 Labour MPs voting to bomb Daesh
What Scotsmen look lke

The Labour Party said goodbye to former Liverpool and Bradford City striker Stan Collymore as he dramatically changed his allegiance to the SNP, even though he's never lived in Scotland.

Collymore was protesting about the fact that some Labour MPs supported the Tory Government's vote to bomb terrorist organisation Daesh in Syria. However, in a further twist to the story, Collymore, during a finger-jabbing press conference, told journalists that he would also be changing his name to a more Scottish sounding one, since he's fed up with the English people and all their votes to bomb terrorist organisations.

Collymore initially thought of adopting the name Sean Connery but changed his mind when he heard that that name was already taken by another bald-headed celebrity. Besides, Sean could also be Irish and he didn't want to be associated with Northern Ireland, whose MPs supported bombing terrorists. After some research, he decided on Hamish McSporran, because that name hasn't been taken (for some reason).

Hamish will continue to be a football pundit, but he will insist on working in a tartan kilt.
An SNP spokesman said "Och, Hamish will be a real asset to our party. We look forward to his tips on dogging".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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