Written by T. Loaf

Monday, 28 December 2015

In a desperate attempt to revamp his Conservative party's image, Prime Minister, David Cameron, has drafted in the support of several Star Wars characters normally accustomed to tasks further afield.

Luke Skywalker is to assist the current Foreign Secretary, Philip Hammond, while Chewbakka will escort the Home Secretary, Theresa May, in her work. "I can't speak his language, but I can lip-read," she explained, "that should help. And he allows me to sit on his lap. There's something inside him British M.P.s just don't have....".

Defence Secretary, Michael Fallon, was seen yesterday branding a lightsaber in Camden Town. Tearing down awnings and splitting signposts in half, he was clearly taken by the new weapon. "This is what we've been waiting for in Britain. This is what we need. To hell with the Trident programme, all our armed forces will be equipped with death bricks and cans of anti-matter particles!"

George Osborne, Chancellor of the Exchequer, voiced a more cautious response. "Han Solo is renowned for his bad debts, and I am less than willing to negotiate with someone like Jabba the Hut should we experience dodgy accruals on any account. I do not like Harrison Ford and Raiders of the Lost Ark is, in my opinion, about as exciting as Jeremy Corbyn and a waste of tax payers' money."

"George tends to get things mixed up. He doesn't know the difference between the Jedi and the Sith," explained the Prime Minister, "we're sending him to Yoda tomorrow for a swift briefing."

Works and Pensions Secretary, Iain Duncan-Smith, was ecstatic about the development. "At last I can wear my Darth Vader helmet, and sound like Boris Johnson."

Meanwhile, David Cameron left 10 Downing Street resembling CP30, but not a question was asked.......

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: David Cameron

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