There were 198 spoof news stories published in December 2014. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
CAPTCHA Revelation: I Call the Shots
I'm so lucky to be a CAPTCHA program. Y'know one of those little thingies that won't let you operate on a website unless you prove that you're human. I absolutely LOVE my job. The irony of the situation tickles me. Love it, love it, love it -- that a human has to communicate with a machine in order to prove his or her humanity. LOL! Most of the time I do my gatekeeper job diligently. But eve...
Read full storyCartoon Characters Squawk at NYC Press Conference
Travelers in NYC's Grand Central Station were stopped dead in their tracks yesterday when they witnessed an amazing press conference starring an irate group of cartoon characters complaining about their names. Here's "the skinny" about the even...
Read full storyJeb Bush to Run for President of the U.S.
To Jeb Bush, brother of George. W. Bush on his announcement to stand for the presidency of the U.S., numerous greetings and best wishes have been flooding in. Well-wishers include Halliburton, Citibank, Chase Bank, World Bank, Barclay's Bank, the...
Read full storyKool-Aid Man Banned from All Stadium Events!
In a move that no one has prepared for, the Kool-Aid Man has been banned from all stadium events, especially football and hockey events, across North America and the UK effective immediately. In a press release, event organizers cited concerns over p...
Read full storyPeter Pan Turns Out To be A Whore
In mythology, the god Pan was a fertility god, most often represented as a satyr, that sexually insatiable beast of the forest. Another aspect of Pan is that of the Horned God. He was often associated with and identified with Satan. But today, "...
Read full storyEx-Beauty Queen to be New James Bond
Idris Elba has declined the role of a black James Bond as he considered it condescending to fellow blacks as well as the total misportrayal of the original character. Fleming's 007 was a MI6 spy proficient in languages and the martial arts; and a...
Read full storyBikini Babes Stage "Pro Police Protest" At Florida Golf Club
Holding signs saying "Cops are hot" and "Cops do it better" local bikini babes swarmed the "Flamingo and the Raven Golf Club" in Sundown Florida. About 100 of the hottest chicks in south Florida attended the bikini and thong protest to show their su...
Read full storyExclusive Interview with Bond Movie Hacker
The cyber-attack on the Sony's computer network on 25 November 2014 originated from North Korea. The intrepid hacker, hitherto unknown, put on line the script of the latest Bond movie SPECTRE currently still in production. The Bond leak has the p...
Read full storyThe Greatest Action Movie Ever.
The film is about a young world middleweight boxing champion Lance O'Flynn who is also a black belt in Karate and who gets conscripted by MI6 to be trained as a special agent. He shows himself a willing pupil and quickly masters seven languages plus quantum physics. His handsome Irish good looks and natural intelligence, as well as his ability to read the Kama Sutra in Urdu, make him a wow wit...
Read full storyIs MI6 Punishing Scotland With "Weather Bombs"?
U.K. James Bond centre, MI6 was alleged by conspiracy theorists this morning to be behind a jetstream propelled "Weather Bomb" hitting the West of Scotland today. An ex Q department scientist, Dennis Llewellyn-Dyson told our Unlikely Conspiracy Depa...
Read full storyJamie Olivier Re-Invents Mexican Prison Food
British T.V. Chef, Jamie Olivier has been invited to give Mexican prison food a facelift by Fernandez Pedro Jose Gomez, after Gordon Ramsay told the prison reformer to "fuck off" according to "Which Prison Food " magazine. Out with: soggy spinach,...
Read full storyArchaeologists Find Letter from Pontius Pilate
Archaeologists excavating along the North West coast of Palestine close to where Pontius Pilate had his palace have made a remarkable find. It is a letter written on papyrus. Experts are not sure if it is a copy or not. Was it ever sent? Did Tiberius Caesar read it and respond? If not, we could well be living now in a very different world indeed. Because what they unearthed is a letter from Po...
Read full storyObama's Tooth Fairy Screwed Grandmother's False Teeth
BILLINGSGATE POST: Milada Mae Jefferson, an 83 year-old grandmother living in Philadelphia received her mail-order false teeth from a dental supply company just last week. The poor lady had gone edentulous sometime in her late 50's and had been gum...
Read full storyBlack Suspect Who Died in Police Custody Suffered from a Pre-existing Condition (Actually, Two)
NEW YORK-A black suspect who died from a chokehold while in police custody apparently, according to the coroner who examined the body on Wednesday, suffered from the pre-existing condition of mortality. Rashawn Williams, the 27 year old suspect, w...
Read full storyPope Francis on Sin and Penance.
VATICAN CITY PAPAL ANNOUNCEMENT. The following was broadcast last night by Pope Francis from Rome. "The Holy See's concern with the march of materialism has prompted her to reinstate PENANCE as the primary mode of the expiation of sins. For too long we have ignored the sacrament and its healing power. The global obsession with transient pleasures, with material things, with cosmetics, travel...
Read full storyExcitement About New Year's Eve Fades With Age - Study Finds.
Fayetteville, AR - A recent study by the University of Arkansas found that a person's excitement about New Year's Eve and associated celebrations tends to fade with a person's age. Lead researcher Vernon Springer, PhD, professor emeritus at the U…
Read full storyKim Jung Um Shuts Down U.S. News Media
WASHINGTON - U.S. officials have concluded that the North Korean government, controlled by Kim Jung Um, ordered the hacking attack on Sony Pictures Entertainment - a breach that led to the studio cancelling the planned release of "The Interview". Th...
Read full storyNo Such Thing As Electricity - Latest Conspiracy Theory
The biggest confidence trick of all time was uncovered today as an ex Power Plant Manager revealed that electricity did not exist and never had done. Huge companies selling the invisible "magic" power substance have apparently been pulling a fast one...
Read full storyGeldof taken down by Amazon
Sir Bob Geldof has taken his 30th anniversary supergroup Band AID to the Amazon for what was meant be a secret Christmas special finale to Band AID 30. The supergroup haven't been able to perform the hit 'Do they know It's Christmas?' as they had int...
Read full storyThe Sodom and Gomorrah Golf Classic
And God said, "Noah, I want you to quit working on the ark." "Pardon?" said a disbelieving Noah. You want me to do what?" "The ark, Noah, you won't be needing it." "But, God," protested Noah, "I've been working on the ark for the past four hundred years, and it's almost done. All that's left is to put in the shuffleboard court." "Sorry, Noah, but the great flood i...
Read full storyOMG, Monica Lewinsky and Glooble's Larry Page are birth twins, Hillary their feckless Mom
Washington AC/DC - There was shock in Capitol Hill today as a Congressional Committee with oversight of Cold War cover-ups screwed up badly in the hysterical - ah, historical! - DNA department handling so called US presidential cold sperm files.
Read full storyEthiopian stars gather to record UK hunger single
The cream of the Ethiopian pop world today gathered at a studio in downtown Addis Ababa to record a special single to raise money for the starving in Britain. The song 'Now they know Starvation' shares a tune with the 1984 Band Aid single, 'Do th...
Read full storyVatican to reboot bible in 2015
Catholics around the world have been screaming "blasphemy" all day after it was revealed that the Vatican will reboot the Bible next year and write a new "more modern" version if it for release in the summertime. The Vatican made the decision du...
Read full storyDavid Cameron in Angry Dispute with Neighbour over Christmas Decorations
David Cameron's next door neighbour Gideon has told him he will complain to the council if he puts expensive Christmas decorations up this year, outside number 10. Gideon was overheard saying that Britain is going through its worst austerity cris...
Read full storyObama Issues Himself A Presidential Pardon
WASHINGTON -- In the wake of the Senate Select Committee Report on CIA torture showing a grisly, reckless brutality, a violation of the U.S. Constitution and the Geneva Accords, President Obama issued himself a pardon for possible illegal activities...
Read full storyMadonna Posing Topless As Aging Male Fans Hope They're Still Erection-Capable
At 56, Madonna has posed topless for a magazine photo shoot, hoping to prove that the same 16-year-old boys first experiencing the wonders of manhood by masturbating to her nude photos 30 years ago, will still do as lonely, broken, well-moisturized m...
Read full storyNew North Korea movie features President Obama caught in Washington brothel with his pants down and hand in the wrong place
Apparently in retaliation for the currently retracted movie The Interview, North Korea's movie factory Pyongyang Noir Films has just released a film titled Bang Chang Masters At Home. The story features the President of the United States in his fa...
Read full storyAuntie Jean Advises Les Brains From Barf Who Has To Decide On A Career
Les Brains Asks: Auntie Jean, I was dropped on my head by the midwife as a baby and consequently cannot make any decisions and have no moral fibre. I can't tell right from wrong , am dishonest and selfish and frequently accidentally wear my jacket inside out. I have an appointment with the Career Adviser at school tomorrow and would like to ask about a career. Which should I choose? Auntie Jea...
Read full storyNRA Lobbies for Concealed Carry Permits for Toddlers
FAIRFAX, VA--After a two year old toddler fatally shot his mother at a Wal-Mart recently, Wayne LaPierre, CEO of the National Rifle Ass., is starting an effort to lobby Congress to extend Concealed Carry Laws to toddlers nationwide. His reasoning:...
Read full storyOverheard in a Staten Island Grand Jury Room
Almost New York - The judge in the Eric Gardner police brutality case put a lid on the release of evidence and souvenir transcripts used by the grand jury to reach its mystifying decision. Good thing we had our judicial fly on the wall to listen in on juror comments. Here are some of their choice remarks: "I'm glad I live on an island." "If he wanted to breathe, he should've brought alon...
Read full storyCertain 'Forces' Send In THE CHENEY To Take Care Of Lame Duck Government.
Eager to take over the U.S. government as swiftly as possible after winning major seats in the Senate and Legislature, 'certain forces' within our system have called on a specialist to rid the organization of its 'lame duck' elements. Operating in se...
Read full storyHollywood propagandists re North Korea and the film The Interview receive the Victoria Nuland Award
Last night at an annual dinner for Hollywood Moguls and Morons Associated, first place went to the hackers who faked an attack on the Seth Rogen movie The Interview as coming from North Korea. The Victoria Nuland Award, a statue twelve inches high...
Read full storySony Counter Hacks North Korea- Successfully Shuts Down All 23 Computers There
On December 21st the entire Internet in North Korea was shut down by a major cyber attack. (Note- a major cyber attack in the Communist state would be the equivalent of accidentally pulling out your plug on an old Commodore computer in any other coun...
Read full storySpooky Oscar Pistorius weekend offer goes on sale
How would you like to spend a weekend in a spooky one bedroom apartment in South Africa? Not for the faint-hearted, this once in a lifetime experience will see you land at Johannesburg, where you will be collected by taxi, driven through the slums...
Read full storyNHS to be funded by car-parking fees
In a bid to reduce the overhead on the budget that is the NHS, the Conservatives have outlined a plan to decrease their spending on this national institution. "Basically," said George Osborne, "we're going to raise the money by increasing parking...
Read full storyA Man Sacrificed his Head to Save his lit Cigarette from Raging Torrent
A man on New York streets was spotted using his umbrella to shield his lit cigarette from the pouring heavy rain completely exposing his barely haired head. According to witnesses, the umbrella the man was carrying was too small that they suspect it...
Read full storyNobel Physics Prize Accidentally Awarded To Micro Chips Inventor Dyson McDonald
The Nobel Prize for innovative development in physics has been accidentally awarded to Dyson MacDonald, the inventor of "microwave chips" and not the microchip inventor Werner Jacobi. The invention of the integrated circuit, or microchip goes bac...
Read full storyOffice Christmas party goes downhill fast after hot girl in accounts leaves early
Employees at McLellans Systems Ltd reported a dive in morale at this years Christmas party when the company's "hot girl in accounts" left at 7.30pm. "Before then the party was in full swing and many of the guys in the company were happy and chatt...
Read full storyDennis Rodman Gets Order to Kiss Seth Rogen
After another all-nighter on the Las Vegas Strip, former NBA Star Dennis Rodman woke up in a young woman's room to a loud banging on the door. "At first I thought it was her husband or boyfriend," said Rodman. "Can't tell you how many times shit l...
Read full storyProf. Hawking Predicts End of Mankind.
There has been a tidal wave of reaction from around the world to renowned physicist Prof. Stephen Hawking's statement that "the development of full artificial intelligence could spell the end of the human race." Here are some of the responses: President Barack Obama: "I am surprised at Prof. Hawkings; the statement is most illogical." US Politico Sarah Palin: "They will have to learn to...
Read full storyGOP Issues Fatwa Against Pope Francis
WASHINGTON, DC--The Republican Party has declared a Fatwa, or legal decree, against Pope Francis for his anti-capitalist statements over the last year and a half. The Fatwa came only days after the most recent attack on the controversial Pope, when S...
Read full storyAmerican Students Sent Home from France in Disgrace
Fourteen undergraduates from a college in New York U.S. are currently getting psychological counselling after a return visit from France. The students were hand picked to travel to the Ecole des Roches in Normandy France, for six weeks, in order to l...
Read full storySony hack forces thousands of children outside over Christmas
Thousands of Children were forced to play outside or entertain them selves with board games after the massive hack that left gamers unable to connect to the internet on Christmas day. The Hack resulted in gangs of feral children leaving their bedr...
Read full storyPope Francis Welcomes Stephen Colbert Back into the Church - 'On Fast Track to Immediate Sainthood,' Says Papal Office
Vatican City-Pope Francis announced today that he would personally receive lapsed Roman Catholic Stephen Colbert back into the Church this Christmas. A special ceremony will be held during midnight mass in St Peter's Cathedral on Christmas Eve. "W...
Read full storyCIA Torture Study a Torture to Read
"Judicious Use of Cognitive and Physical Trauma to Elicit Psychic Response"--By Dr. Gunter Chang, Director of Cognitive Studies at the Central Intelligence Agency, August 2003. Abstract: Research in the area of the psychic science lags considerably behind other research fields primarily due to lack of reproducible quantitative data obtained under controlled conditions. In an effort to establ...
Read full storyMan Shot By Cop, Cuffed Then Fined $100
A case that is just one among a number that caused Eric Holder, the US attorney general, to sharply censure the, let's call it, the Cleavageland police department this week, is one where a "John Doe," who is a black man was shot in the chest by a pol...
Read full storyTests Indicate Venezuelans Are Most Resilient People On Earth
Tests carried out by Anthropologists trying to cheer up the population of rain sodden Wales have revealed that whatever happens to Venezuelans, they come up smiling and have an unshakable belief that things will get better. The controversial tests...
Read full storyNow You can Sell your Vote!
WASHINGTON. VOTES FOR SALE by order of Congress. Yes folks, it's finally here, on the back of the 1997 North Carolina ground breaking voluntary sterilization for women called "Project Prevention" that invited young women to have themselves sterilized...
Read full storyWashington Fury over "Freedom" Speech.
Washington: Fury erupted yesterday in the House of Representatives as Wisconscin's Paddy O'Shea addressed 435 members concerning a bill he had proposed that never made it past the first hurdle. This is what he said: "First of all, the blessed...
Read full storyGiant Meteorite may indicate 'Scots' settlers on Mars
A much documented Meteorite's course towards Earth ,may evidence Scottish Life on Mars or even Uranus. 'Scots have roots everywhere, including Outer Space', says Professor Hamish McFleming, Edinburgh. 'Yes, one could argue the Meteorite is Mart...
Read full storyTed Cruz the Showman (sung to the melody of "Frosty the Snowman")
Ted Cruz the Showman was a sleazy scrappy soul, With McCarthy looks and a button nose And two eyes made out of coal. Ted Cruz the Showman is a sordid tale, they say, He was full of blow but Teabillies know How he came to life one day. There must have been some money To propel him to the top. For when they made him Senator He became a Tea Party prop. Oh, Ted Cruz the Showman was...
Read full storyAuntie Jean Advises A. Nellie Retentive, Pensioner From Scunthorpe
Nellie Asks: Auntie, I have received my D.A.B. 3D digital radio from the internet which arrived on a low loader this morning. I would appreciate a little help with tuning it as the instructions are inadequately translated from Mandarin Chinese. It has what it describes as a 2.3 metre plasma screen. I had to cut a hole in my trailer park home to get it in. It keeps blowing the park substatio...
Read full storyWhite House Apocalyptic Announcement
Press Secretary for President Obama's administration, Karl Von Mitty Munchausen announced today to at gathering of journalists and reporters invited to a White House tickets-only news conference the following: "General Martin Dempsey, chairman of...
Read full storyUK Bookies Jubilant over Sydney Attack
UK bookies made a mint by leaving out Australia as a candidate for the next 'terrorist attack' and had instead the UK as clear favourite with Spain second. The gunman who laid siege to a Sydney restaurant was named as Man Haron Monis. He forced so...
Read full storyKim Jong-un brushes go on sale in run-up to Christmas
North Korea has entered the foreign exports market with a new product set to beat all economic sanctions. The Kim Jong-un brush looks just like the supreme leader of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, complete with a chubby handle, an unbelie...
Read full storyProtesters Protest Being Told They're In The Wrong Ferguson
Ferguson Township, PA - A group of protesters protesting the grand jury decision in the Michael Brown case in Ferguson, MO were outraged yesterday and started protesting about how the police chief of Ferguson Township in Pennsylvania told the protest...
Read full storyLabour MPs persuade "feral" David Milliband to leave Tibetan monastery, return home, defeat brother
Following an unspectacular time as labour leader, a team of Labour MPs have lost patience with Ed Milliband. The group have flown out to Tibet to track down former favourite David Milliband. Who's last whereabouts were said to be in a Tibetan monesta...
Read full storyPope Announces Sweeping Reforms
The Vatican is introducing sweeping reforms to its liturgical practice. Mass, benediction and special services, from now on, will be all-ticket affairs. The "pensio" as the ticket is called can be bought online. Marketing director for the Vatican...
Read full storyFarage To Make White Christmases In Likely UKIP Voting Areas Only
A new satellite weather controller has been privately launched by UKIP backers to bring white Christmases to areas which pledge support to their party. The satellite, launched by balloon to cut costs, focuses barometric pulses on cumulo snow-us...
Read full storyKennedy Space Centre To Stick To Exploding Rockets And $4Bn Roman Candles
The fascination of many Kennedy Space Centre spectators with unmanned spacecraft which explode harmlessly has led organisors to rethink events at the complex. It has been calculated that giant Saturn Rocket powered roman candles and aerial explosion...
Read full storyFestive cheer as Obama announces new weed deal with Cuba
Washington DC - It's being hailed as the most significant policy shift since the 1960 embargo banned imports of Fidel's Amnesia cannabis strains. This morning President Obama announced a historic breakthrough in US Cuba policy following decades o...
Read full storyPlastic Covers To Be Fitted To Valuable Furniture And Carpets In Buckingham Palace As Corgi Damage Exceeds £20m
Kept from the public eye for decades, the extent of damage to furniture and carpets at Buckingham Palace has been revealed by ex-maid, Eileen Over in her serialised memoirs. The revelations, from the book, "Please Housetrain One's Corgis" ISBN A23PIS...
Read full story2015 GOP Platform Has Been Completed
The GOP platform that will be ratified by the 2016 Presidential Nominating Convention is now complete. Since the last convention, selected Congressional Republicans and State Party Chairs have been diligently working. According to insider reports, these are its major points: 1. We stand for the principles of torture, particularly rectal hydration. 2. We believe that rich donors should dramat...
Read full storyWhy the religious far right are targeting transgender people
A few years ago, the religious far right in America targetted gay people. They were classed as an abomination in the eyes of god, but in the last eighteen months, focus has shifted onto the transgender population instead. At first glance there does not seem to be a reason for this. The transgender men and women are trying to eke out lives the best they can in a binary gender weighted world,...
Read full storyWhat to do with Christmas Leftovers, 3 Key Items
1. Freeze Turkey Giblets , then promote as genuine WW1 Christmas Truce Football Match Interval Edwardian 'Comfits' or 'Fancies'. 2. Mix up any old rubbish lurking in your fridge , with some Fruits Rouges ( or tinned Raspberries) and label it: 'French and/or Italian Rustic Preserve.'..then decant into any glass pot, stick a label in French or Italian onto it....money for old rope, but make sure...
Read full storyCan Jeb Bush, "Romney Lite," Be The GOP Nominee?
Jeb Bush, the former Governor of Florida and George's brother, yesterday visited John McCain. According to an aide, who did not want his name made public, Bush asked McCain how he could run for President without pandering to the party's ultra conser...
Read full storySenator Graham and the new Republican Congress breathe firebolts and sacred vows on the need for sanctions plus war with Iran
Eternally vigilant for the war manufacturers and Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Republican Senator Lindsey Graham is breathing heavily with red face this morning. Sanctions will be due soon, certainly, because Iran is sure to violate, somehow,...
Read full storyA Christmas Message from Bono 2014
Hello Hello, Dis year I have been busy saving the world again. My friend and fellow tax exile Sir Bob let me sing on Band Aid again. So that I could start in my new mission to eradicate Ebola. I think I will have this all cured by Christmas, but I will be promoting my other things as well. I now have a rival, Russell Brand, who thinks he can be the saviour of the world. He can't there is on...
Read full storyBlack, Black, Black, Not a White Thing In Sight!
Plenty of white families were upset when the new Disney movie, Venture Into The Woods, an adaptation of an old time fairytale, Hansel and Gretel, came out last week. The recent Disney movie are what critics call a "revolutionary and original piec...
Read full storyRocket Science Is Not Rocket Science - NASA
Rockets are almost all operated by setting fire to blue touch paper at their bases, Dr. Steven Hawkins told a meeting of Russian MILFS (Members of the Institute for Loggng Flying Saucers) at NASA Public Relations Department, Cape Canaveral yesterday...
Read full storyScript To New Disney Star Wars Leaked!
Intrepid, rat-like reporters working for international seamy tabloids just got the biggest story of the whole millennium (and that includes the Millennium Falcon!)- they copped the script from the new Star Wars movie still in production! Here is a summary of the plot: In a place long, long ago before even Walt Disney himself was born a galactic wide war ensued between the good people of the...
Read full storyCIA "Rectal Hydration" Raises Questions
LANGLEY, VA --CIA Director, John O. Brennan held a rare press conference today where he attempted to defend CIA torture post 9/11. Brennan, contradicting former CIA Directors, said, "It is unknowable whether useful intelligence was ever obtained...
Read full storyFake Sony hacking attack pops one million dollars box office sales plus bolsters sagging reputations here and there
The past week has shown several internet and hacking experts clear North Korea as responsible for the hacking attack on Sony. That is, North Korea was not responsible for the hacking. Former Sony employees (and possibly the CIA) are suspected a...
Read full storyGay man comes out of closet, but father makes him go back in
He finally mustered up enough fortitude and courage to do it. However, once Parker Williams stepped out the closet, revealing his homosexuality to the world, his father, Frank Williams, was standing right there. "He made me go right back in,"...
Read full storyJesus - I Don't Want Any More Sunbeams
Jesus has appealed to people not to try to be sunbeams, as he is snowed under with them. "He told our religious affairs journalist, "I don't know who wrote that fucking 'Jesus wants me for a sunbeam' song but since the financial crashes I've a millio...
Read full storySurvey Shows 80% of People Will Not Be Told To Eat Porridge By Conservatives
Lady Jenkin's speech telling poor people to eat the disgusting sloppy prison fodder known as porridge fell on deaf ears yesterday. The peer told the press conference, which was attended by the Pope and the archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, t...
Read full storySecret Cache Of Bagpipes Found After Tip Off
Stopping short of total surrender, the treaty signed by pro Scottish Independence clan chiefs after the referendum defeat included a clause dealing with the decommissioning of bagpipes and the handing over of them to dangerous musical instrument dum...
Read full storyMajor Stores Reach Agreement On Cathedral And Church Use
Several well known stores with high profile T.V. Christmas advertisements have reached agreement with bishops in the U.K. to utilise the huge amounts of prime City Centre Cathedral and Church interior and exterior space. Worshippers will be able to...
Read full storyNorth Korea Now Bankrupt From The Costs Of Hacking Sony Pictures
North Korea has gone bankrupt from its massive hacking assault on Sony Pictures. The intrusion into the depths of Sony's Corporation was ignited by their new film 'The Interview' which features two bumbling tabloid newsmen who are given the mission o...
Read full storyMcCain Says U.S. Should Invade Cuba
WASHINGTON -President Obama's policy of normalizing relations with Cuba brought an angry response from Senator John McCain (R-AZ) who said, "This is about the appeasement of autocratic dictators, thugs, and adversaries, diminishing America's influen...
Read full storyBoris Johnson unveils plans for removing the north south divide
Boris Johnson has announced that if he is becomes leader of the Conservative Party, his first act will be to solve the North South Divide. "This is a terrible situation," said Johnson. "People in the North rarely get a chance to wash, work down pi...
Read full storySony to North Korea: "We Are your Bitch"
The movie "The Interview" may have been stopped from a wide release, but American viewers are showing their full support for the film, whose release was muted due to pressure from hackers who threatened bloodshed at movie theaters due to the film's m...
Read full storyMan Unexpectedly Drops Dead While Pre-Planning His Funeral
GRANTS LICK, KY-Jason Moribund, 57, a lifelong resident of northern Kentucky, was pre-planning his funeral at Swindler and Curry Funeral Home last Friday night when he suddenly dropped dead of a heart attack. The owner of the funeral home, C...
Read full storyBlair fingers Bush as CIA torture files published
Washington AC/DC - Ghastly Poodlefaker Tony B Liar has blamed digital manipulation by his brother George Dubya Bush for leaving him up shit creek without the proverbial paddle. The rant comes as a US Senate Committee publishes its long-awaited re...
Read full storyOver 98% Of Non-UK People Are Foreign - Daily Mail
The results of a survey of people carried out in over 50 countries show that over 98% of them are 'foreigners'. The Daily Mail allegedly stated that this is the way things are going and soon there could be even more foreigners abroad. The Daily Expre...
Read full storyArsene Wenger defends Arsenal's proud principle of "losing"
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger took offence during yesterdays press conference after the loss to Stoke City in the Premier League, when a journalist criticised the club for losing the match 3-2. The French manager took issue with the journalist talki...
Read full storySanta To Quit Delivering "Junk Mail" After This Year
This will be the last year that Santa drops off fake "Competition Winner" letters and furniture advertisements with his presents. Mail firms from warmer shores have undercut Santa's delivery deals by using cheap unregistered labor and offering an all...
Read full storyI Will Sue University Of Texas - Frankenstein
Baron Frankenstein is to sue the University of Texas over 100 brains which have allegedly gone missing from its picked brain library. Victor Helmut Frankenstein, 12th Baron Frankenstein has expressed anger at the disappearance, which came to light a...
Read full story"The Interview" To Start Filming Sequel With Bill Cosby
Hollywood, CA Sony announced today that even though their movie The Interview caused international incidents, possible financial ruin, terrorist threats, hack attacks, and chastisement by President Obama, they would be filming a sequel in the next f...
Read full storyAnnibal Lector Booked For Gnawing Off Coyote Ugly Man's Leg: UPDATE!
BILLINGSGATE POST: Following the tragic news of Slim Everdingle losing his leg in a bedroom romp, police in Denver have arrested Annibal Lector, the daughter of the notorious cannibal, Hannibal Lector. Saying that the fruit doesn't fall far from th...
Read full storyForgetting your car is okay
Many women forget to retrieve their cars when at the Boxing Day Sales. Many of us get so addled and precoccupied , we forget we even HAD the car with us and start to hail a taxi , only to remember the SUV in the underground Car Park!! Well here's some good news : No, it's NOT the Menopause and No , it's not an elaborate bid for attention from the local yummy Coppers, because we're looking fo...
Read full storyGovernment To Re-Structure Pornography Industry
A Government enquiry into the pornography industry has found it to be "top heavy". After the next election, changes will be made to cut out the waste and streamline the whole British Industry in line with Las Vegas and Russia. Implants will have to b...
Read full storyAsk Dr. Billingsgate
BILLINGSGATE POST: This new feature represents all that is bad about question and answer journalism. However, I feel there is a need to answer some questions from notables, such as those below, in order to satisfy the prurient interests of my readers. Dear Dr. Billingsgate, I read with interest your story about the woman who crazy glued her unfaithful husband's testicles to the bed frame to...
Read full storyBring Back The Guillotine
This countries a mess. There we said it. But it's not our opinion, but the opinion of the man on the street. The white van mad man, the market trader and the pub landlord all agree. But why is it a mess and what are the solutions, we don't know, shit we cant remember where we let the dog off it's lead last. That dam terrier could be anywhere. Anyway we grabbed a bunch of people off the street (...
Read full storyUS House congratulates itself on action to inform, inflame, inveigle, and induce
Last Thursday the US House of Representatives passed resolution HR 758 criticizing Russia on Ukraine. It passed 411-10. Yesterday the House passed a new resolution to congratulate itself on Thursday's success. This new resolution, HR 758b, is...
Read full storyShrink paid $81m to coach CIA torturers says 'Because I'm Worth It'
Langley, Virginia - "It was no bum deal," said Professor Einstein Flintstone, a former Pentagon psychiatrist on secondment to train fledgling CIA torturers in the dark arts of rectal feeding plus other recreational crap. "And what's more that much...
Read full storySony to Release New Comedy Depicting Assassination of President Obama-- No Protests, No Outcry, No Nothing. Bill O'Reilly Says: 'It's Just a Joke.'
Following the PR success of The Interview, Sony Pictures announced today that it would be releasing Alluha Akbar!, an uproarious new comedy about the assassination of President Barack Obama. The movie is financed by the government of North Korea...
Read full storyRoyal Family to Move to Australia
A spokesman for the British Foreign Office has announced that the House of Windsor has been transferred to Australia. There has been increasing speculation of late as to why the royal family are such frequent visitors to the continent. Kate and W...
Read full storyAmericas Response To Kim Jong Un- "Thank You For Saving Us From Watching Yet Another Stupid Stoner Movie."
Americans were especially thankful to North Korea and Kim Jong Un this Holiday season for saving them from watching yet another stupid pot-head movie. "It saved me ten bucks in ticket prices and another eight in popcorn and soda." stated John Gawk...
Read full storyIrish Government to stick Santa for yet another Austerity Tax
In another bid to raise Austerity Taxes, this time seasonal, the Irish Government is looking at charging Santa for every time he crosses the Flight Paths over Dublin and Cork. Given that Santa's Business Itinerary takes in thousands of trips per...
Read full storyAmazing Cure for Everything Discovered
A scientific study has revealed, for the first time, a cure for every known ailment. The study, conducted in our street, found a 100% of those questioned had always found drinking tea with honey cured any illness they had. Mrs Expresso advised her...
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