The results of a survey of people carried out in over 50 countries show that over 98% of them are 'foreigners'. The Daily Mail allegedly stated that this is the way things are going and soon there could be even more foreigners abroad. The Daily Express told our overseas department that they knew about the 'problem' and had informed Nigel Farage.
Mr. Farage said that there appeared to have been a misunderstanding and that neither he nor his party had any problem with this situation. The root of the problem seems to have been overproof vodka used in punch at a Christmas party. The survey company contacted the journalists at the party, but received mixed up survey instructions. "Everyone in their right minds knows that foreigners are rife outside the U.K and we will do something about it when we are elected." A rogue UKIP member told us this morning.