Black, Black, Black, Not a White Thing In Sight!

Funny story written by Ashley Red

Thursday, 18 December 2014

Plenty of white families were upset when the new Disney movie, Venture Into The Woods, an adaptation of an old time fairytale, Hansel and Gretel, came out last week.

The recent Disney movie are what critics call a "revolutionary and original piece that Disney has produced ever since Lion King," however, general public reactions have been a mixture of both the good and the bad. The negative reactions mainly root from the complaints of many stay at home mothers and middle aged year old men. The central conflict was this: That Hansel and Gretel, the main characters of Venture Into The Woods, were POC, persons of color.

"I mean, if you're going to make a family movie, at least make it historically accurate and educational, like the beautiful Disney class, Pocahantas! Honestly, as a white person myself, my family and I feel that our culture and race has been left out from this new Disney movie. I mean, the characters in the fairytale, afterall, are obviously Caucasian. We're underrepresented!" 39-year old housewife, Jill Smith commented, one of the many people displeased from the outcome of the animated film.

Doch Bagge, a critic famous for pointing out controversial topics in a movie, as well as a long time Disney fan and Brony, agreed with these complaints. "I couldn't have agreed more. I truly expected more from Disney. They are a company that brings fairytales to life through their movies, breathing life, magic, and wonder into them, as well as merchandising characters from Disney films for all its worth! But Venture Into The Woods fails at this Disney aspect in every level. Hansel and Gretel is a beloved fairytale that clearly originated from Caucasians. How in the world could Disney make these treasured characters colored, and not keep it true from the original material?

"Look at Mulan and Pocahontas, they are both historically accurate AND true to the material. Not to mention, isn't that enough diversity already? Really, next thing you'll know, we'll have new Disney adaptations of a black Cinderella or an Asian Sleeping Beauty! Honestly, who thinks up these type of things, the very thought! Even though these Disney movies are set in fictional worlds where animals talk, trees sing, and witches exist, you still have to make the movie historically accurate!" Exclaimed Mr. D. Bagge.

A Disney animator, Bigby Ackhole, that worked with the production of Venture Into The Woods, was openly disgusted about the outcome. "I kept on telling the team, I kept telling them," he repeated. "that we needed another generic, white blonde haired princess, with a funny pointless sidekick, a one dimensional love interest, bland storyline, and unmemorable villain, but did they listen to me? Nooooo! And now they have this piece of crap. It is proven clearly through statistics that movies with white protagonists with little to no diversity and originality are MORE successful than diverse characters! That's the motherflipping truth people." He fumed out to reporters.

One of the sparse positive reviews, comes from a retired 69-year old screenplay writer, Joan Goodman. "Frankly, I think that making Hansel and Gretel POC was a wonderful idea. It is not certain that this old time fairytale traces back to Caucasian origins - in fact there are many versions from each culture! Besides, it's 2017 now - at this rate, there should be more diversity and character POC in young children's movies!"

This statement earns an uproar of angry response all over Twitter and Facebook.

One popular Twitter comment:
@twittwat - LOL this gurl dun't kno jack!!!!11111 Doesnt she kno dat kidz are RACE BLIND?! So HAHAHAHAHAHAH

One from Facebook:
Hugh J. Erk - Honestly, kids don't want to watch characters of color in their movies. Its the cold reality that they appeal to white race characters more, given that they are more appealing in looks and personality.

Aside from the mixed reactions from critics and audiences so far in America, Venture Into The Woods is widely celebrated and praised in other cultures and countries. So far in its first week in the theatres, it earned eight million dollars in box office.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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