NRA Lobbies for Concealed Carry Permits for Toddlers

Funny story written by Matt Birkenhauer

Wednesday, 31 December 2014

image for NRA Lobbies for Concealed Carry Permits for Toddlers

FAIRFAX, VA--After a two year old toddler fatally shot his mother at a Wal-Mart recently, Wayne LaPierre, CEO of the National Rifle Ass., is starting an effort to lobby Congress to extend Concealed Carry Laws to toddlers nationwide. His reasoning: Had the two year old toddler who accidentally shot his mother had proper training in the use of firearms, such a tragic accident could have been avoided. (The toddler who shot his mother, Veronica Rutledge, was an only child and had never fired a gun before.) Although Rutledge herself had a Concealed Carry Permit, she neglected to get one for her son, who reached into her purse and fatally shot her with what is being described as a "small caliber handgun."

Explained LaPierre, in light of the tragic accident: "We have to instruct everyone, from toddler to septuagenarian, in the proper use of firearms. Had this child been taught how to properly handle a firearm, his mother would still be alive today."

"Besides," added LaPierre, a little over two years after the Sandy Hook Massacre, "if we properly train toddlers in the use of firearms, the next time an Adam Lanza lets loose with a semi-automatic weapon against a classroom of six year olds, he's going to have a fight on his hands!"

Gun enthusiast and pro-life advocate Sarah Palin went LaPierre one better, and is now calling for Concealed Carry Permits for fetuses. Palin, exhibiting her usual clear thinking on such matters, explained, "If we arm those least able to protect themselves against their pro-choice mothers and the baby killers who enable them, abortion will be a thing of the past."

LaPierre, whose name in French means "the dick," said the NRA is looking into the issue at this point, as the organization tries to think of what kind of small caliber handgun might be a comfortable fit for a fetus.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more