Overheard in a Staten Island Grand Jury Room

Funny story written by Michael Balton

Thursday, 4 December 2014

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The arresting officer will be wrestling with his conscience.

Almost New York - The judge in the Eric Gardner police brutality case put a lid on the release of evidence and souvenir transcripts used by the grand jury to reach its mystifying decision.

Good thing we had our judicial fly on the wall to listen in on juror comments. Here are some of their choice remarks:

"I'm glad I live on an island."

"If he wanted to breathe, he should've brought along his own oxygen."

"Let's say he was working for the tobacco industry. Everyone hates the tobacco industry."

"He should've listened to the authorities. Cigarettes can be dangerous to your health."

"Let's say he was working for the mob. Everyone hates the mob."

"Hey, the president of the police union just stole my lunch money."

"I have the right to be bummed out. They cut the eyeholes in the wrong end of my sheet."

"Let's say he was working for Wall Street. Everyone hates Wall Street."

"I think the captain said we shouldn't wear our patrol uniforms for this."

"I love these funniest home videos."

"When do I get to meet Katie Couric?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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