David Cameron's next door neighbour Gideon has told him he will complain to the council if he puts expensive Christmas decorations up this year, outside number 10.
Gideon was overheard saying that Britain is going through its worst austerity crisis since the 1930s, and it wouldn't be right if David was seen to be showing how much money he's got by putting on a lavish Christmas display.
Cameron, however, didn't like being told how many Christmas decorations to have so he told his other neighbour he's going to put up the most expensive Christmas decorations a PM has ever displayed before. He's going to get 6 great big trees imported from Norway, and 7 giant penguins imported from John Lewis. He's also going to hire some football stadium lights to shine directly into Gideon's window.
Ed Milliband, however, is just having a tiny bedraggled little tree with only 5 or 6 little brown needles on each branch to show the type of Christmas tree he thinks a poor person might have this Christmas.
Tony Blair isn't having any Christmas trees because he's putting an ironic,gigantic satanist pentacle outside his house as a joking little nod to the people who think he's evil. He's carrying on the theme that he first used in his ironic Christmas card.
Gideon, however, is just having a big pile of money in the shape of a Christmas tree because he thinks that's the best way he can show the people he knows how to make their money work best...for him. Ie, he's going to recycle their money by using it twice. And then he's going to burn it in the fire to show poor people how best to keep warm this winter.
Finally, UKIP are going to have a whole hillside full of Christmas trees that look quite nice and innocent from the ground, but, if a journalist from Spoof were to fly up above them, they would then see that they are not what they at first appeared to be from the ground. This is because when you fly above them these Christmas trees will instantly be revealed to be in a giant swastika formation.
A UKIP spokesman said tonight that that was just a malicious interpretation of a perfectly normal field of Christmas trees. Then he laughed in a jolly UKIP way, and went to the pub, singing Silent Nacht, as he went.
By Katarina Frogpond