Can Jeb Bush, "Romney Lite," Be The GOP Nominee?

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Saturday, 13 December 2014

image for Can Jeb Bush, "Romney Lite," Be The GOP Nominee?

Jeb Bush, the former Governor of Florida and George's brother, yesterday visited John McCain. According to an aide, who did not want his name made public, Bush asked McCain how he could run for President without pandering to the party's ultra conservative base.

According to the source Senator McCain told him. "You must not give in to the whack jobs, it is a centrist who can win the Presidency by gaining Democrat and Independent voters."

McCain reportedly said, "I didn't properly vet Sara Palin for my running mate. I didn't know she was crazy until it was too late. She said she could see Russia from Alaska, my God!"

Bush, who has a thoughtful, but not fiery persona, was told by McCain not to alter it, "Because, if you do, you'll come off like a phony, like that whacko, Ted Cruz."

Bush seems to be out of stop with GOP grass-roots activists by pushing for a republican compromise on fiscal issues, pushing for a path to citizenship for illegals, and backing Common Core educational reform. Too he has a reasonably high IQ which is a disadvantage with the GOP base, which has elected near imbeciles to Congress.

Jeb Bush's muscular, interventionist stands on foreign policy are contrary to many libertarian beliefs in the party's grass roots. "If you think Hillary is a hawk, Jeb soars way higher than she does. He's way to the right of Rand Paul on foreign policy," said Mike Murphy, GOP strategist. McCain reportedly advised Bush to tone down his foreign policy statements to "at least appear to be centrist, although we both love drones and bombs."

Another issue is that Bush was married to Columba Garnica Gallo in Mexico and his children obviously have a Hispanic heritage. A recent survey found that 52% of Americans express explicit anti-Hispanic attitudes. Bush senior calls his grandkids "the little brown ones." "Don't put them on stage all at once in the primaries in the South." McCain advised.

After retiring from politics, Bush has been a private equity mogul. He is chairman of an offshore private equity fund that has a structure that operates like a tax haven for corporate tax dodgers. Upon leaving office, Bush has earned at least $3.2  million in board fees and stock grants. Tea party members have a strong aversion to anyone who looks remotely like a Wall Street venture capitalist which is what Bush appears to be.

"You'd better untangle yourself from these corporations." McCain advised. "Although there were billions in Bain that Romney ran, your millions make you look like 'Romney Lite.'"

With all of these problems, will Jeb Bush run? Could he beat Hillary if she's the opposition's nominee? First he has to win the GOP primaries which seems doubtful.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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