Madonna Posing Topless As Aging Male Fans Hope They're Still Erection-Capable

Funny story written by Cool Papa Bell

Tuesday, 2 December 2014


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At 56, Madonna has posed topless for a magazine photo shoot, hoping to prove that the same 16-year-old boys first experiencing the wonders of manhood by masturbating to her nude photos 30 years ago, will still do as lonely, broken, well-moisturized middle-aged deviants.

This week, Madonna exposes her breasts in a provocative yet slightly disconcerting photo shoot -- like the time you saw your crazy aunt singing "Barracuda" naked in the shower while straddling a loofah -- for Interview's December issue / Interview Magazine. The shoot comes just a few months after her 56th birthday, for which she posted an iconic 1980s photo of herself topless, at a time when she had not yet discovered lady razors.

The new photos show that Madonna's body has held up well over time, thanks to advances in breast augmentation, photoshopping, cougar worship and masturbation delusion.

"The human body is a beautiful thing to behold, even as it ages," Madonna told the magazine. "My nipples are like ever-ripening pieces of fresh, sweet fruit. Just don't leave them in direct sunlight for too long."

Madonna is encouraging her long-time male fans to pick up a copy of the magazine, and believes it could provide a medical last resort for many of them who cry themselves to sleep at night.

"If you can't get it up for this, it's probably time to take up crocheting and needlepoint," she said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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