Royal Family to Move to Australia

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Tuesday, 9 December 2014

image for Royal Family to Move to Australia
On the Move.

A spokesman for the British Foreign Office has announced that the House of Windsor has been transferred to Australia.

There has been increasing speculation of late as to why the royal family are such frequent visitors to the continent. Kate and William even had their honeymoon there. Ozzies scratch their heads in bewilderment as they read through yet another Sunday supplement devoted to yet another visit by one or other of them.

Odd, considering the Brits chose the place from as far back as the days of Captain Cooke as a dumping pit for their undesirables, many of them Irish and Scottish.

Some say that it is because Australia came so close to becoming independent of Gt. Britain in a national vote a few years back that it resolved then and there to consolidate its holding.

Indeed, had it not been for the fact that the voters, many of them with a poor grasp of English, were utterly bamboozled by the wording of the ballot papers to the extent than many did not even know what box to tick,.... it is almost certain the independents would have won the day. It was a close call. Too close, it seems.

Others say, the royals just love visiting the place and consider it the last of their main colonies. Anyone who has flown the very arduous journey from London to Sydney knows this cannot be the real reason. Nobody with half a brain would choose Sydney over Rome or Paris for instance on such a regular basis. It is frankly unthinkable.

Said Sir. Edward Ketch Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs; "Great Britain has strong treaties with Australia that enables us, with our business partners in America, to rifle its natural resources.

Between 1957 and 1963 it is true we did set off some twelve nuclear explosions in the Marlinga and other regions of North Australia causing untold physical damage to the indigenous Aboriginal communities that live there, the genetic effects of which are still being felt to this day. But we no longer do that. Still, it is nice to know we can if we must and.... well, let's face it... we run the joint.

That is why we send the royals over as often as we can; and alert our media functionaries there to make the biggest possible to-do about their visits. However, this has proven very expensive. So, we figured it would be cheaper all round... if we just house them there. Not all of them of course; the Queen Mother, the Duke and Charles can still live in Buckingham Palace but the rest will find Canberra, we are sure, most agreeable. Besides, they will have Skype. One thing is for certain, the Ozzies won't be voting for independence next time around. We will see to it that they have photos of William and Kate, Harry and Andrew hanging in their living rooms by the time we are through or Nelson did not fight at Trafalgar. Once we have totally secured our dominion we will bring them home. We are most sincerely grateful to U.S. president Obama for pledging to help us in this pursuit."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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