Stopping short of total surrender, the treaty signed by pro Scottish Independence clan chiefs after the referendum defeat included a clause dealing with the decommissioning of bagpipes and the handing over of them to dangerous musical instrument dumps for destruction.
A large quantity of live bagpipes complete with reeds, found near Holyrood House has been impounded following an anonymous phone call made by Prince Philip this morning, resulting in a huge "category A" musical security alert.
Dozens of music critics were flown in by helicopter to re-tune the bagpipes to a safe key so that they could be neutralised with a controlled recording of "Scotland The Brave". The bagpipes were thought to be there ready for a planned resurgence of patriotism on Burns night. Separatist groups are known by MI6 to be planning to take over the 'last night of the proms' with a bagpipe blitz.