There were 228 spoof news stories published in March 2015. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
New York Babies Start Yakking at Birth
A seven-week old baby who said HELLO has become a worldwide sensation, but New Yorkers are unimpressed. That's because it's always been rumored that New York babies, when no one is around, start yakking shortly after leaving the womb. An intrepid reporter from TheSpoof.com decided to test the truth of the rumor by setting up a hidden video cam in a nursery for newborns at a NY hospital. It turn...
Read full storyBrad Pitt Has Brain Removed To Prevent Brain Disease
Two years after his wife underwent a double mastectomy to cut her cancer risk, actress and U.N. envoy Angelina Jolie today had surgery to remove her ovaries and fallopian tubes for the same reason, she wrote in The New York Times on Tuesday. Her...
Read full storyFemale motorcycle gang, the Satan Sluts, swamp Whitley Bay in unnecessary riot.
The ladies motorcycle club, the Satan's Sluts have been causing chaos along East Coast seaside resorts over the weekend. The police have been run ragged and one force in particular at Whitley Bay - were stretched to their very limits. The gang congre...
Read full storySouth Africa offer penis transplants after successful operation!
Millions of undersized men are flocking to South Africa for an enlargement, only Black US studs and mainly Black African men are staying where they are. Since South Africa performed a successful penis transplant the country has been invaded by mai...
Read full storyAtheist Writer Abandons Atheism. Looks For ANY Religion After Realizing Majority of Atheists Actually Morons
A Florida author has vowed to abandon atheism and find religion after realizing that many of his fellow atheists are complete and utter morons. Duncan Whitehead of Miami, author of several badly edited, self-published pieces of 'drivel' and well k...
Read full storyNeighborhood Snitches, Nosy Neighbors & Anonymous Tipsters Possess Same Gene As Nazi Collaborators
So called 'snoops', who contact city officials regarding code violations, minor infringements against city ordinances, complain about one off parties and call the police at the first sign of an ethnic minority in their vicinity have the same gene, ac...
Read full storyMan Threatens To Call Police After Claiming Someone Stole His 'Joke'
A prolific tweeter and self styled comedy guru/genius has began taking medication to help him sleep after spending countless nights wide awake and worrying that someone may steal one of his twitter jokes; which he didn't write in the first place.
Read full storyYorkshire Psalms: Psalm 23
'Em Lord is us shepherd; us shall not lack. 'E shall make us to be lyin' down in all 'em pastures green, aye lad; 'e is leadin' at me beside all 'em still waters, oo eck! 'E has been revivin' at us Northern Souls; 'im guides me in all them paths of rahteousness for 'is name's sake 'n' that. Aye, though I shall be walkin' through 'em valley of that shadow of death, as it were; I shall not...
Read full storyDictators respond to Cheney's "Worst President" Comments
Dick Cheney has said that Obama is the worst President of his lifetime. Here are a few responses: Pol Pot stated: "I agree, and I often do agree with Cheney anyway. And I feel the same way about Vietnam. Ho Chi Minh was an evil bastard. I mean, look what he did to the boat people. And look at how he humiliated the former landowning class. Anyone who would massacre innocent people on the gro...
Read full storyCelebrity Paedophile, ***** *******, Fucking Hates ******, ****** & ******** Cunts
Well known celebrity paedophile, child molester and closet homosexual *** ***** ******* announced today that he 'fucking hates *******, **** and ****** cunts' and that if he had his way everyone would be allowed to have ****** and the right to burn d...
Read full storyLower Case Letters Overpower Caps
In a gutsy move years in the making, every lower-case letter moved against it's upper-case counterpart in a timed action that resulted in a complete upheaval of the entire alphabet. The entire event took only 3 minutes from beginning to end. The over...
Read full story10 Things You Need to Know About Donald Trump's Presidential Run
Atlantic City, New Jersey -- Casino kingpin and reality TV star Donald Trump has put together an "exploratory committee" that will help him determine whether or not to run for President. Here are 10 things you have to look forward to if the panel gives him the green light: 1. His wig will have its own motorcade. 2. Expressing a preference for staying alive, Trump refuses Secret Service prote...
Read full storyPrezident Obummer weighs in on ISIS' destruction of Nimrod
ISIS has built or purchased, "from parties unknown," a time machine and is traveling into Iraq's "ancient past," to destroy the Assyrian city of Nimrod, the United Nations recently whined. "We are heartbroken," archaeologists sniffed, "and outrage...
Read full storyHillary's reasons for a private email server are revealed
Washington, DC -- Unannounced presidential candidate Hillary Clinton had more than a few good reasons for operating her own email server while she served as Secretary of State. Unfortunately, they were all on that server, which has malfunctioned and...
Read full storyArtist formerly known as Prince picks fight with Nigel Farage over colour purple
Pint size rocker Squiggle, formerly known as Prince has publicly announced that Nigel Farage' s new book entitled, 'the Purple Revolution' infringes on his intellectual rights that pertain to that of the Revolution rock band which was his intellectu...
Read full storyNickelback, S Club 7 and Jack Whitehall Announced as the 2015 Glastonbury Headliners
After months of speculation the line-up for the monumental annual music festival has been announced with the headliners of the prestigious Pyramid Stage being bland Canadian hard rock 4-piece Nickelback, irritating late 90s pop pipsqueaks S Club 7 an...
Read full storyBrad Pitt Announces Surgical Removal of His Balls and Prostate
Brad Pitt held a press conference in Hollywood today and announced his support for Angela Jolie having more of her organs removed. He stated; "I love my wife with or without her tits or her ovaries!" He said:"to prove my undying love for Angela...
Read full storyIf Britain left the EU, who would clean Seaside Cafe floors?
If UKIP had it's way, Britain would leave the EU. But this would then mean service industries would have to then employ only Brits. Given that many Brits don't seem to want to do the 'menial' jobs which many immigrant workers do, with goodwill and...
Read full storyBin Laden, Hillary Clinton Connection Suspected In Emails
Republican politicians claim Hillary Clinton had a love connection with Osama Bin Laden and define her as a serial traitor. High five! They insist this information can be verified in the 31,000 emails exchanged while she was Secretary of State and why she is holding fast to that server. Reliable sources revealed Hillary was in the process of divorcing Bill to marry Osama Bin Laden, (or...
Read full storyMan From Duck Dynasty With Silly Looking Beard Talks Utter Crap
The star of the US TV reality show Duck Dynasty is facing criticism after a speech that included a graphic story about Stephen Hawking being struck by lighting. Phil Robertson, one of the ones who has a stupid beard and looks like a "bit of a too...
Read full storyBill O'Reilly Fights Backs
"They are in the business to injure," Mr. O'Reilly added. "This is a political hit job." "Bill O'Reilly, Fox News Host, Fights Back at Claims of Exaggerated Stories ," Feb. 22, 2015 You're only embattled if you did something wrong. And I, your humble correspondent, didn't do anything wrong. I just report the facts as I see them but I do want to make a few things clear. * I never apologi...
Read full storySt Martins well-man clinic patient numbers rocket - Nurse Beverly Blythe Bristol puts awareness first
St Martin's Well-Man clinic in Newcastle is proving to be a leading beacon in testicular cancer awareness in the United Kingdom. From its early foundations in the 1980's till present time, the clinic has been growing from two or three out-patients a...
Read full storyLabour Leader Decides to Campaign on TV Debates
There was shock in Westminster when the Leader of the Opposition, one Ed Miliband, declared his party's main issue in the impending election. "As a party we have in the past fought elections based on the economy, the future of the NHS, unemploymen...
Read full storyGlobal Warming - No Longer a Threat
In 1827 scientists launched a rocket into space, with the knowledge that by the time it arrived, it would be just in time to stop global warming. The fear was, that with all the snow accumulated throughout the polar ice caps and the North East part...
Read full storyTwitter Fury After Man Calls Leonard Nimoy One Trick Pony. Which He Was. There, I Said It.
Fans of Star Wars actor Leonard Nimoy who was buried in Los Angeles in a small, private funeral on Sunday are said to be enraged after one man dared to call the actor "a one trick pony". Nimoy, 83, who died on Friday of chronic obstructive pulmon...
Read full storyHealth-Conscious Environmentalist Kills Two Birds with One Stone by Going Vegan
As someone interested in boosting his own health and the health of the planet, health-conscious environmentalist Luke Jameson decided to kill two birds with one stone by going vegan. Luke was first inspired to go vegan when he learned that animal...
Read full storyChris Christie Foundation Recommends Closing the income gap for fat people
TRENTON, NJ - The spokesman for The Chris Christie Foundation, Betha Buhderbahl, announced that the foundation will take on a troubling, weighty issue when it comes to the income gap between healthy people and the obese. Obese people make 72 cents...
Read full storyA few rotten apples threaten to spoil the world's food supply
Beaverview, Washington -- Al Qaeda is turning the wholesome apple into a Weapon of Mass Destruction. Using the ice machine from a hijacked Malaysian airliner and a hotwired PlayStation, the terror group has created a generically modified apple th...
Read full storyPat Robertson: Gay Atheists are the Shocktroops of Iran
Pat Robertson is concerned at the mortal peril certain "bad folks" pose to people in the USA, and just this once, he's not been shy to get to the root of the problem. Now, listen carefully, my dear friends. If we are going to let all these, you know, these hooomoseeexual atheiiists, you know, if we tolerate them, let them work in our public facilities and business corporations.... Well, you'...
Read full storyDerelict Soap Dispenser Found At School
Authorities in the Thai capital of Bangkok have today said that an ancient soap dispenser has been discovered in the toilets at a school in the city, prompting fears that, at one time, soap may have been used to wash children's hands after they had v...
Read full storyApple watches to give you the time of your life
Apple wants your money, as much (or as little) of it as it can get--as much being $10,000 (for Big Spenders), as little $349 (for cheapskates). That's right, the company founded by Johnny Appleseed has added wristwatches to its collection...
Read full storyBuilding on Starbucks' Race Together Initiative New "Defend Your Position" Campaign Earning Stellar Reviews
Building upon the great success of Starbucks' Race Together campaign, a rival coffee house has unveiled their new concept of "Defend Your Position". "What we found out very quickly is that people already have very set opinions on a great many sub...
Read full storyProcol Harum Pledges Allegiance to ISIS
Top terrorist chart-toppers, so-called Islamic State (ISIS) have been skipping the light fandango and turning cartwheels across the floor at the news that 1960s prog rock band Procol Harum has pledged allegiance to them. In England the news has be...
Read full storyTheresa May: "We must Engage with the Moderate Homosexual Community"
Apparently, because Theresa May is from the Conservative Party, she has the dispiriting responsibility of reluctantly assimilating individuals in a rather more blunt and crude way than Labour or Lib Dems. So she has sworn to "engage with the moderate homosexual community," in order to ensure that gay people do not cause any more "chaos, subversion and aesthetic terrorism." As a Conservative,...
Read full storyStormy Weather
Have you ever had a storm named after you? If so, and you are still alive to read this story, consider yourself lucky. Only 3% of the people who have storms named after them live to tell about it. Weather (pun intended), it is a winter storm, a hurricane, a tornado, or anything else, those people who have had the misfortune of a storm using their name, usually suffer weird and unexplained death...
Read full storyPurple Aki Signs-Up As Cage Fighter
Mega Fighting Championship (MFC) has announced today that it has signed Liverpudlian convicted criminal and bodybuilder Akinwale Arobieke: otherwise known as 'Purple Aki' to a lucrative deal with the company. Purple Aki is set to step in the Octag...
Read full storyFacebook creates new app that tells you when someone is masturbating over your profile picture
Social media giant Facebook announced today that a new app will be on their website that informs users when someone is masturbating over their profile picture. Facebook creator Zuckerberg revealed in a demonstration yesterday in Los Angeles, how...
Read full storyCongress unveils do-it-yourself homeland security
Washington, DC - - With the Department of Homeland Security increasingly being used as a political football, Congress has come up with a backup plan. It's a domestic defensive strategy that relies on the American public to protect itself agai...
Read full storyJohn Boehner, Mitch McConnell, and Benjamin Netanyahu Caught In Sexual Congress
WASHINGTON, D.C.-Security guards at the Capitol on Tuesday found Rep. John Boehner, Sen. Mitch McConnell, and Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu having sexual congress in one of its bathrooms, only minutes before the Prime Minister of Israel gave his...
Read full storyBust Size & Tips
Every waitress wants TIPS. The American scientist Michael Lynn conducted a study of 482 waitresses at the age of 18 years and older. Waitresses rated themselves and answer the following questions: 1. In what year were you born? 2. What is your bra size? 3. What color is your hair? 4. How big around is your waist? 5. How big around are your hips? 6. How tall are you? 7. How much do you...
Read full storyFrancis Urquhart Disdains to Join UKIP
The sinister, Machiavellian Francis Urquhart, from the original UK version of "House of Cards," has disappointed all 101 UKIP supporters, by declining to join Naughty Nigel's hipster politico rhetorical hobby club. Our Frankie sneers: I may have ruined the life and career of a perfectly principled and honorable politician; I may have connived my way into establishing an 11 year reign of ter...
Read full storyBack In Gear: The new Jeremy Clarkson motoring show!
Back In Gear HQ, London: Jeremy Clarkson BACK to present live shows to avoid paying out £10million in refunds to angry fans. Jeremy Clarkson will front the 'Back in Gear' Live World Tour, with Richard Hammond and James May, which is set to make more...
Read full storyEarth Women flock to Vulcan
Spock's recent funeral in the ancient city of Kir, on the planet Vulcan, drew millions of mourners. In particular, there was a contingent of human females, clad in black Federation mini-dresses, who seemed particularly distraught at the passing of Earth's favorite Vulcan. One woman's lament seemed to typify the sentiment shared by all of the Earth women in attendance: "No man, human, Vulcan, Ro...
Read full storyEx-Pope Ratzinger Doing Well After Exorcism
Ex-Pope Ratzinger is recuperating well after an emergency exorcism was performed on him. Eight exorcists, three of them Cardinals from Africa, Germany and Ireland spent seven weeks, seven hours and seven minutes casting out demons from the ex-Pontif...
Read full storyHarriet Tubman to Replace George Washington on US Dollar Bill
WASHINGTON, DC - President Barack Obama issued an executive order today, directing US Secretary of the Treasury. Jack Lew, to replace George Washington with Harriet Tubman on the dollar bill. Harriet Tubman (1822 - 1913) was a black abolitionist,...
Read full storyCrazy NFL Offseason Continues with Star Traded for Snickers Bar
Just when you thought you had seen it all this busy first week of free agency in the NFL one team went the extra mile to make the most ridiculous trade of the year. The Dallas Cowboys have traded perennial "bridesmaid but never a bride" quarterb...
Read full storyFootage from colonoscopies to be added to Google Street View
Google today announced that it has made a deal with health providers to add colonoscopies to Street View and give users the ability to explore the intestines of anyone on the planet. Google CEO Larry Page described it as the 'logical next step' af...
Read full storyTimely Income Tax Guidance & Insightful Preparation Tips
Tax filing deadlines are on the horizon. As is the yearly tradition at the National Institute of Slick and Slidey Tax Prep Jockeys, we are providing our annual listing of often forgotten income tax pointers and preparation tips. As always, we are n...
Read full storyAsim Qureshi describes Satan as a "beautiful and polite human being"
A member of the charity organisation CAGE by the name of Asim Qureshi has come to the defence of Satan and described him as a "beautiful and polite human being who we would be lucky to call a friend". The statement was issued by Mr Qureshi, shor...
Read full storyCustomers vote with their pocketbooks (and wallets)
Consumers, tired of having companies lecture to them about what's hip and cool and, well, morally right, are fighting back. "If Starfuchs want my five buck, none their baristas better be lecturing me bout how to live my life," Black Panther Sam Ho...
Read full storyGOP Criticizing Obama for Picking Kentucky Instead of Israel
WASHINGTON -- Republican leaders are engaging in a bit of their own "March Madness" in criticizing President Obama for picking the number one ranked and undefeated Kentucky Wildcats to win the NCAA men's basketball championship instead of GOP favorit...
Read full storyStock photo model admits "My life isn't that exciting"
On the face of it 35yr old Melinda Smith seems to lead an exciting life, High level business meetings, Hang-gliding, mountaineering while inside the house she seems to be able to pull off ten person dinner parties with ease all while juggling the dem...
Read full storyJustifiable Justice - Making the Punishment Ergonomic With the Crime.
Punishments for crime have become rote in our modern society. A person can murder any number of people and still be allowed to live his life out even though he is less that worthless to the society which allows him to survive. Monsters on the international level can create atrocities for which they are not condemned. Irresponsible pundits appear on the world stage who wreck havoc with in their own...
Read full storyDangerous Animals And Situations In The Grand Canyon And How To Deal With Them
What to do in the Grand Canyon if: you are confronted by a black bear- Calmly stand your ground and fight back. Do not run as they will chase you. a rock slide occurs above you- Quickly try to determine where the rock slide is coming down and run horizontally in the opposite direction. you are walking along the street and a car with California rental license plates is coming towards you...
Read full storyChocolate Causing Facial Hair growth because of Audrey Hepburn Ad Campaign
The team behind resurrecting Audrey Hepburn for a recent TV commercial now admit they may have got it horribly wrong. The advert was a milestone in special effects and Audrey's face was recreated using computer graphics (CG). Using FACS (facial...
Read full storyHadron Collider Discovers God
The scene was reminiscent of a European Cup soccer final as hundreds of scientists leapt into the air screaming and shouting and hugging each other as sheaves of paper drifted through the air. It all happened at their research centre in Geneva at...
Read full storyRiderless Bicycles in London by 2020
Boris Johnson has vowed that riderless bicycles will be common on UK streets by 2020, and has printed £50 million of public funds towards the project. The bicycles, the result of a government Think Tank on new pedestrian propulsion systems, will b…
Read full storyUS To Invade The Bahamas in Response to Ukraine Crisis
General Craig Filner made public Monday that the US has weighed its options, and has decided it will be sending forces into the Bahamas in the coming days. The military act is believed to be in response to the Vladimir Putin decision of sending R...
Read full storyOne Day Datebots Say No To Oldies
A spokesman for the Union of One Day Datebots has announced that the escort automatons will no longer accept the custom of older homo sapiens. In a surprise move, the robots have declared that they would deny their service to both mammals over the...
Read full storyKate Middleton denies palace tryst
LONDON -- The royals are not above showing a little of their majestic bodies on occasion. Exhibitionist Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cornhole and wife of Prince William, is proof of that, having shown her regal tatas to the world and having flashed her...
Read full storyHot Yoga Blamed for Global Warming
A new study by the Weston A. Price Foundation (WAPF), a nonprofit "nutrition" organization with close ties to the meat industry, blames hot yoga for global warming. The WAPF report has created a lot of additional heat for Bikram Yoga founder Bikr...
Read full storyExtremely racist old man planning to run for U.S. president in 2016
Ah, yes. Elections. The only thing more American than that is a morbidly obese 40 year old drunk man carrying an assault rifle; yelling at immigrants. Boy, we really let our forefathers down. Around 65 people are potential candidates for presiden...
Read full storyNASA's study of magnetosphere has Obummer seeing red
President Barry Obummer is madder than Michelle on PMS at the news that the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA, for short) is spending one billion dollars "that could be better spent on propping up Obummercare," Prezident Obummer co...
Read full storyMan targeted by ID thiefs on 47 occasions. Banks seem powerless to stop it happening.
Norman Steele, father of three from Liverpool is the unluckiest man in the UK when it comes to identity theft. His identity has been stolen by scammers on approximately 47 occasions since 2001. And that's the ones he knows about! It's not unusual...
Read full storyTelsa Motors Unveils Coal-Powered SUV
PALO ALTO, CA - Telsa Motors' CEO, Ellen Mush, announced their next "green" vehicle - The Telsa Model C. The model C is the first coal-powered vehicle since the 1884 Trepardeux. It was a coal fired steam propelled carriage. Ms. Mush said the new M...
Read full storyALPH - Worldwide Group of Humanist/Scientists Appeals for Alien Intervention
Aliens Please Help (Alph) is a group of humanists and scientists who are appealing to "Aliens" to intervene and end the dominance of human beings on Planet Earth! Dr. Moishe Pipick -Astrophysicist and Buddhist Scholar said today at the Alph World...
Read full story1,000 year-old 'Eye of Newt & Hair of Dog' remedy a superbug killer
Switzerland - An Anglo-Saxon potion 'for curing ye poxe' has been found to kill 99% of the antibiotic-resistant flesh-eating Necrotizing fasciitis virus scientists said today. Discovered in a 9th century almanack of remedies called Baldy's Leechbo...
Read full storyBachelorette Two Hour Anal Sex Episode - Highest ratings in TV History - Guaranteed!
In my opinion a special cornholing edition of The Bachelorette would DRIVE 40 million viewers to this program and be a breakout example - once and for all - of what American Morons really want in escapist reality programming in this cultural era best defined by Chris Hitchens in his book: The Age of Ilusion - (The Rise of Spectacle AND The Triumph of Illiteracy) Week 3 of the latest season o...
Read full storyNormal Drug Being Tested on Patients
After rigorous studies at Columbian University, scholars have determined that most Americans need the drug Itsinurhedicone, or more commonly known to consumers as "Normal." Although the mind altering drug is frowned upon by many moralists, Doctor...
Read full storyBeware The Sabre-Tooth Lawyer!
A man thought to be "Lawyer" was spotted lurking outside Midlands Bank in Kensington, London, yesterday. It is not known what type of Lawyer he was... but all are dangerous. This one was heavily disguised in a pinstripe suit and carried an umbrella a...
Read full storyGOP Senators Don't Use the Internet
South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham, who sits on a subcommittee for Privacy, Technology and Law, stated during a recent interview that he doesn't use the Internet. The question came up when he was asked about the recent controversy surrounding H...
Read full storyJohn Boehner Files Petition for Change of Name
WASHINGTON, DC - Speaker of the United States House of Representatives, John Boehner, filed a petition with the Municipal Court of West Chester Township, Ohio today to legally change his name. The petition, prepared by Mr. Boehners attorney, Mike...
Read full storyMartial Law to be declared after Clarkson sacking
London, England: Following the sacking of Jeremy Clarkson and the postponement of Top Gear, threats of a serious nature from overseas have been made against BBC Director General. Whilst an overseas email threatening the BBC Director General has res...
Read full storySale at Svalbard 'Doomsday vault'
The entire contents of the Svalbard 'Doomsday' vault are set to be sold at an auction for millions of eager bidders. Svalbard is widely known to be the largest storage vault in the world, containing more than 800000 worldly treasures. It was first...
Read full storyObama 'oral circumcision' cartoon ahead of Netanyahu Congress rant
Washington DC - A Banksy-style cartoon of Barack Obama performing metzitzah b'peh** on a terrorist baby has appeared on a Capitol Hill men's bathroom this Monday night. Secret Service agents described the etching as a writing-on-the-wall omen des...
Read full storyPsychoanalyst and Ophthalmologist Beat the Hell out of Each Other On Elevator
Los Angeles, CA-So an ophthalmologist and a psychoanalyst get on an elevator... This may sound like the start of a great joke, but in actuality it was the beginning of a terrifying descent into unprofessional chaos. Jorge Valdez, a once highly res...
Read full storyTim Tebow tries out for Eagles... Oh wait, That Really Happened?!
In what is either a publicity stunt or a desperate desire to find a very qualified clip board holder the Eagles tried out Tim Tebow despite the fact that they just traded for Sam Bradford and re-signed Mark Sanchez. Jeffrey Lurie, owner of the P...
Read full storyJeremy Clarkson more important than German air crash
It seems as though while the rest of the planet are mourning the death of 150 passengers in the German Wings tragic air crash, British news readers feel that something slightly more in the light entertainment news genre is much more important. Bri...
Read full storyCalifornia Gay Advocacy Group Proposes Ballot Initiative to Allow Killing of Straights
SACRAMENTO, CA - In response to a measure to allow killing of gays in California, Nigel Reynolds, attorney for the California gay rights group, "Gay Advocacy Group" (GAG), has filed a petition with the California Attorney General, Kamala Harris, to a...
Read full storyInterview With UK Prime Minister David Cameron
Unfortunately we at URFKD Magazine were unable to meet with the UK Prime Minister David Cameron as planned. It seems he had more important engagements. However, here is a list of questions we were hoping to ask. (1) Given the fact that you are goi...
Read full storyEnergy Efficient Lighting Improves Sex Lives of Medical Examiners
Since 1998 there has been a baby boom among medical examiners and coroners. This, according to experts, coincides with the increased use of CFL and LED lighting. Psychologist believe that the ghastly cyanotic hue of the skin under these lights allows...
Read full storyNew Airbag Motorcycle Helmet causes tinnitus and temporary hearing loss
Ralph Effelburger' s new invention, the Airmet, ran into serious trouble at the Motor Cycle Show Exhibition held in the Birmingham Conference Centre yesterday . Effelburger' s 'air bag' helmet demonstration ended in complete chaos when three of...
Read full storyGod Must be Hispanic If he Named His Only Son Jesus
Wow - I just realized that God has to be Hispanic! I mean - otherwise he would have named his only kid God Junior or at least some common name of those times- like Joshua or Peter or Moishe -any thing but Jesus(unless he was Hispanic). What made me think of this was I was watching the Los Angeles marathon last week and at least fifty percent of the people had to be Hispanic -and at least fif...
Read full storyNetan-YAHOO Confuses The American Congress With American Idol
The President of Israel, Netan-YAHOO, has given his talk today at the American Congress. His coming to America has been a bone of contention between the Republicans and Democrats (what else is new?) as Netan-YAHOO was not invited by President Obama but rather by Speaker of the House John Boehner, a breach of normal U.S. international protocol unless of course you want to piss off the President and...
Read full story12 out of 10 Americans Don't Believe in Statistics
ATLANTA, GA - According to a recent poll completed by The Atlanta Constipation, 12 out of 10 Americans don't believe in statistics. Some of the other interesting numbers in the poll: 68% of US citizens support child vaccines while 86% are oppos...
Read full storyHull Man Makes Comeback After Friend's Pick-Me-Up Email
An Englishman living in the Thai capital of Bangkok has told how a period of 'inner reflection' he undertook after receiving an email from a long-lost friend led to the rediscovery of a talent for scribbling that had lain dormant for more than thirty...
Read full storyThe Nigel Farage Berlin Wall
CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) star reporter, Heinz Neo-NonNazi, has just jackbooted out of Nigel Farage's mansion through the bog and sewer and relayed this report to Neo-Non-Nazi HQ in a bunker near Berlin. Nigel was chatting to his German mi...
Read full storyNaughty MPs also using Computers for Porn and Gambling say dismissed Judges
Just as if things couldn't get any worse for the UK' s establishment after the dismissal of three judges for viewing pornography on business computers the other day, a recent audit of the House of Commons networks has uncovered similar misuse on 63 M...
Read full storyFarceBook bans genitals, buttocks, nipples and assholes, Spoof editor reacts
Cyberspace - The editor of a satirical online organ has reacted to headlines about sexually explicit apertures spamming the site. TheSpoof.com's fearless editor says he's banning selfies of full-blown assholes - whether digitally enhanced or snot.
Read full storyPope Insists Priests Refrain from Cunnilingus
The Pope sent an IM to his top American Priests today telling them to desist immeddiately from any sex that would put them at risk from HPV Virus He said: "in recent years scientists have documented a steep rise in throat cancers caused by a strai...
Read full storyTerrorists Attack Dog Show
It seems nothing is safe from terrorists these days as an unknown group fighting on behalf of mongrels called IDID meaning "Imbecile Doggy Idiots Die", have poisoned a prize winning Red Setter by feeding it with rotting red meat! IDID did not beh...
Read full storyLibido, the Whip, and the Wardrobe - the great works of literature rewritten as erotic fantasies
Various works of irrelevant fantastical fiction are being recalled to be rewritten as erotica. In the wake of the financial triumph and critical failure of 'mummy-porn' movie Fifty Shades of Grey, publishers have decided to re-publish best-selling...
Read full storyVeggies linked to poorer semen quality says glowing tampon manufacturer
California - Vegetarians and other non-flesh eaters are most likely to be shooting blanks these days according to a sanitary protection specialist pimping glow-in-the-dark tampons. The manufacturers of RadiantPlugs periodwear said today that thou...
Read full storyMillions of families living in cars after losing houses
Good news today as Philip and Victoria Sherlock from Warrington, who have been forced to live in their Ford Focus car due to spiralling debt, have been temporarily housed in a local hotel. The desperate plight of the couple was televised on ITV' s G...
Read full storyCandidate Cruz Says that Tax System Should Be "Voluntary"
Special to TPN - Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) followed up his announcement that he was running for President in 2016 with this statement given to Matt Lauer of the Today Show: "I believe the IRS should be eliminated and taxes made voluntary. It wor...
Read full storyThis Week's Headline Snidbits
Taken from the top news headlines this week: • Reports indicate that the Disneyland measles outbreaks were caused by low vaccination rates. See what ObamaCare did this week? It lowered inoculation rates 10 years ago. Thanks, Obama. • President Obama made his NCAA bracket picks. He admitted it was very difficult to take a break from his official duties and just enjoy the fun, frivolous mome...
Read full storyLiverpool v Man United a tabloid's dream!
The build up to this massive game is reaching 'white hot' as the tabloids pull out all the punches to sell their filthy newspapers, in fact any sensible football fan in Europe could or would never understand the mass hysteria surrounding this game of...
Read full storyTop 10 Off-Putting Company Slogans: Bawsaq Propaganda
Most slogans are meant to persuade you to buy their horrible product, not make you question why you're shopping there. Mr. Bawsaq searched high and low for off putting slogans just for you! Here are the top 10! Enjoy! Walmart - "Cheap goods and terrible service in a megastore where fat old ladies, dirty racists, child abusers, and teenagers with no shame assemble to make you sad to shop here!"...
Read full storyDisneyland Boosts Tickets to $99 and Local Cash Advance Loan Business Soars
Like a pack of meth addicts whose supply has been cut off, many families are now scrambling to find a way to continue getting their happy high at southern California's "Wonderland" after it hiked up its ticket prices. Undaunted by a recent measles...
Read full storyTory proposal to tax UK's air - Possible private flotation of air now a reality
The new Tory think tank AIR's proposal to tax the usage of nitrogen, oxygen, and argon for all UK residents has now been published. Apparently it could raise £650,000,000 at a tenner per head of population annually and pull the party out of the finan...
Read full storyPoor Blackout of solar eclipse blamed for scuppered robbery
The O'Reilly Twins from Westerhailes in Edinburgh were caught red handed boarding a number 25 bus just two minutes after raiding the Sparkles Jewellery Emporium on Friday. Using the solar eclipse as cover, at approximately 9.30am, the bungling robber...
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