Candidate Cruz Says that Tax System Should Be "Voluntary"

Funny story written by BillBritton

Tuesday, 24 March 2015

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Ted Cruz's Superhero

Special to TPN - Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) followed up his announcement that he was running for President in 2016 with this statement given to Matt Lauer of the Today Show: "I believe the IRS should be eliminated and taxes made voluntary. It works great in the Fundamentalist Holy-Roller Baptist Church in Houston, where I pray for 12 hours each Sunday. We'd just have to pass a second plate for the Federal government. Either that, or we could just give 10 percent of the Sunday offerings to the Feds."

When pressed concerning the likelihood that such a system would bankrupt the federal government, Cruz shouted, "That's my plan! You got it! Without enough money coming in, I could do away with the EPA and FDA and all those other useless agencies. Whatever's left I'll turn over to the private sector. The Koch brothers will do a great job regulating the coal industry. By the way, let's subsidize the installation of coal-fired furnaces in every American home. The damn Chinese have pulled ahead of in the area of carbon emissions."

Cruz went on: "Of course, under my administration, church attendance would be made mandatory, which would ensure that both plates would be filled. It's all part of my belief that ours is a Christian nation and that the flames of Hell will consume all non-believers and Nancy Pelosi."

Cruz's father, Rafael Cruz, is director of Purifying Fire International Ministry and has said his son is one who is anointed as "king" to take control of all sectors of society, an agenda commonly referred to as the "Seven Mountains" mandate, and "bring the spoils of war to the priests," and thus guarantee a "great transfer of wealth" from the "wicked" to righteous gentile believers.

When Lauer reminded Senator Cruz that this "transfer" has already taken place, his response was that "You can never do enough for the 1 percent. After all, without them, we wouldn't have the Kardashians."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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