Health-Conscious Environmentalist Kills Two Birds with One Stone by Going Vegan

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Sunday, 15 March 2015

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Two birds, one stone: poor health and environmental degradation didn't stand a chance against Luke's vegan diet.

As someone interested in boosting his own health and the health of the planet, health-conscious environmentalist Luke Jameson decided to kill two birds with one stone by going vegan.

Luke was first inspired to go vegan when he learned that animal agriculture is the single largest human source of greenhouse gas emissions. As he put it, "We humans are an albatross around the neck of the environment. And the 800-pound gorilla in the room is animal agriculture."

However, despite the many environmental advantages of a plant-based diet, Luke didn't take the vegan leap solely for environmental reasons; he was also determined to improve his own health.

"Speaking bluntly," he explains, "I was fat as a pig. I looked - and felt - like something the cat dragged in."

Determined to change that, Luke made a New Year's resolution to treat his body as well as he could - to handle it with kid gloves, so to speak. And, so, he tried all the diets that recommend high quantities of meat and other animal-based proteins, like the Paleo Diet, the South Beach Diet, and, of course, the infamous Atkins Diet - only to find that he wasn't getting any healthier.

Ultimately, recounts Luke, "I got tired of beating a dead horse."

It was only after watching the documentary Forks Over Knives, which documents the health benefits of a whole-food plant-based diet, that Luke came to realize that, while there may sometimes be more than one way to skin a cat, when it came to optimizing his own health, there was really only one way: going vegan.

Rather than gradually phase out animal-based foods from his diet, Luke went cold turkey - and hasn't looked back since.

"I'm living high on the hog," he says. "I'm bright-eyed, bushy-talked, and have the tiger by the tail. I've never felt better."

Luke says that he's thrilled at his decision to take the bull by the horns in his journey toward health and planetary healing. "I wasn't going to settle for anything less than being green and healthy. I wanted the whole enchilada."

And now he's got it - minus the chicken and cheese.

Which, says Luke, he doesn't miss in the slightest. "I've got bigger fish to fry."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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