Timely Income Tax Guidance & Insightful Preparation Tips

Funny story written by Trinculoman

Tuesday, 31 March 2015

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Tax filing deadlines are on the horizon. As is the yearly tradition at the National Institute of Slick and Slidey Tax Prep Jockeys, we are providing our annual listing of often forgotten income tax pointers and preparation tips. As always, we are not responsible for preparing your returns, so don't call us later with any complaints or problems.

Have fun as you hack through the 1040 Form jungle! Use some of the insights below as your machetes.

Create your own Filing Status. Use your imagination! The IRS agents have boring jobs and appreciate lighter moments during their reviews. Here's an example we recently saw on a return that passed under our desk: "Cohabiting amicably with a Marmoset Monkey and a neutered Badger in a non-judgmental way."

Don't forget to claim as Dependents your neighbors' mangy mutts and stinky felines which are always at your house.

In the Presidential Election Campaign box, cover the lower section with White-Out, and then write in: "For God's Sake, Anyone but Jeb and Hillary!"

Use line 18, Farm Loss, to record costs for installing your sprinkler system, because gaining a yard eliminates tillable farm land.

For the taxable amount of Social Security, box 20b, print "Surely You Jest! in large BLOCK letters.

Be sure to write in the costs of your Caribbean golf and scuba diving vacations on the Health Savings Account deduction, line 25.

On Page 2, don't forget to record all costs of male enhancement drugs and products on the Residential Energy Credits, line 53. Scratch out Form 5695, and write in Form Testosparky.

The next line 54 should be filled out with "Form Madam Matilda" and then record the amount of the substantial miscellaneous tax credit derived from her psychic reading of your body moles.

Deduct the entire amount of your salary as Nontaxable Combat Pay due to ongoing battles with your boss and general workplace harassment.

Wrap up Form 1040 by inking in black magic marker "LOL" in the Tax Due block.

As always, attach additional schedules to your return. This will allow you to "pass the weight test," and aid you in clearing your desk top of such items as unpaid cable bills, unsolicited spam mail from ditzy fundraisers, and unwanted pics of your cousin's unwashed kids. IRS agents love to look at all this crap.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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