Written by Josh_Cluderay

Friday, 13 March 2015

Google today announced that it has made a deal with health providers to add colonoscopies to Street View and give users the ability to explore the intestines of anyone on the planet.

Google CEO Larry Page described it as the 'logical next step' after Street View's recent expansions into other hard-to-reach areas, such as the canals of Venice, or the Amazonian rainforest. "There is literally nowhere we can't go", he told us, visibly aroused.

The footage will be matched to pedestrians captured on Street View through the use of facial recognition software. A small brown icon will be visible above any person who has undergone the invasive, humiliating rectal procedure, allowing users to explore their insides with one hassle-free click. An upcoming update to Google Glasses will also add the ability to quickly pull up footage from a matched person while out with friends, or on a date.

"In many ways we're actually making people safer," says Page. "I can't count the number of times my relationships have been ruined because my partner was concealing an inflamed colon from me. We're just giving people the information they need to avoid these problems before they occur. It's digital democracy in action."

UK Secretary of State for Health Jeremy Hunt presided over the deal to sell NHS colonoscopy records to the search engine giant. He described it as a historic day for information transparency, adding that "to anyone concerned that this may be an invasion of privacy, I would suggest that if you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear." Though he did concede that those who did have something to hide, such as a filthy or inflamed colon, should be "extremely worried".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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