LONDON -- The royals are not above showing a little of their majestic bodies on occasion. Exhibitionist Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cornhole and wife of Prince William, is proof of that, having shown her regal tatas to the world and having flashed her panties in public on more than a few occasions.
However, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II apparently frowns on mere commoners showing off their naughty bits, especially when the commoner in question is male and he's climbing down a bed sheet tied to furniture in the boudoir where her grandson "sleeps with" the duchess.
"What was the bloke doing there, anyway?" one of the palace guards asked. "I mean, he's naked, but for his left sock, and he's climbing out Kate's window when William is out of town. It seems suspect to me."
The queen suggested that the guard should "keep his vulgar opinions to himself" unless he wants to visit the royal executioner in the Tower of London.
All went well for the climber for ten feet or so, and then the man lost his grip, perhaps as a result of encountering semen, and plummeted twenty feet to the ground below.
Buckingham Palace staunchly denies that the incident ever happened, despite the capture of the naked man's exploits on video, and police say no one has yet reported an injured or dead man on or near the palace.
"It's a hoax, most likely," the duchess opined, "for I would never frolic naked with anyone else but William, unless I were sunbathing au naturale in France or was walking down the street in a short skirt on a windy day."
Besides, although Kate is herself a commoner, she says "I'm not common enough to sleep with a commoner."
Reportedly, however, Her Majesty is having the palace's locks changed and has ordered the royal seamstress to sew weights to the hems of the duchess' skirts. She may also have Kate "fumigated."