A prolific tweeter and self styled comedy guru/genius has began taking medication to help him sleep after spending countless nights wide awake and worrying that someone may steal one of his twitter jokes; which he didn't write in the first place.
David Scott, 46, virgin, who lives with his mom - who suffers not only from delusions of grandeur but also a very tiny cock, tweeted that 'someone used MY joke, they STOLE it. I am calling the police! It's MY joke, all mine, I wrote it, I made it up - it isn't right, don't ever touch MY things again."
Scott then urged countless morons to agree that he was in fact "The funniest man on the planet."
Scott has been unable to sleep for four nights, worrying about the complex algorithms and copyright laws surrounding HIS joke.
He has filed criminal reports with the FBI, CIA, MI6, The NYPD and Scotland Yard in an attempt to stop further pilfering of HIS jokes.
Tweeting under a separate account he declared himself "The Marshall of Mirth, The Sheriff of Sniggers and the new Law of Laughter; stating that he, and he alone, invented every joke on the internet and that even if a joke was performed onstage, heard in a bar, passed down from generation to generation - the fact he wrote it down and tweeted it first - meant it was HIS.
Despite it being pointed out to Scott that the joke was actually first heard in 2006, performed by Steven Clark, repeated on an online posting in 2007 and repeated several times on stage at comedy clubs the world over, as well as being alluded to in an article on this very site a year ago, he remained defiant.
Holding back tears and his bottom lip trembling the emotional Scott denied he had 'discovered' the joke himself the day before he tweeted it - claiming that the fact it was posted on a comedy website the day before he 'made it up' was 'trickery and witchcraft.'