Earth Women flock to Vulcan

Funny story written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw

Monday, 16 March 2015

Spock's recent funeral in the ancient city of Kir, on the planet Vulcan, drew millions of mourners. In particular, there was a contingent of human females, clad in black Federation mini-dresses, who seemed particularly distraught at the passing of Earth's favorite Vulcan. One woman's lament seemed to typify the sentiment shared by all of the Earth women in attendance:

"No man, human, Vulcan, Romulen or Klingon, has been so adept at stimulating the pleasure centers of my central nervous system. The touch of his fingers on my neck took me over the edge in seconds, every time!"

However, the gravity of the proceedings in Kir did little to dampen spirits on the so-called "Pon Farr Promenade" in the city of Vulcana Regar. It seems that ever since the publication of (Spock's mother) Amanda Grayson's autobiography, "To Boldly Come Where no Woman has Come Before", a growing number of human females have been making the trip to this Vulcan city to stake out their final frontiers.

At the Rocket Ride bistro in the basement of the Hotel Vulcana, two Earth women clad in their skimpiest, tightest mini-dresses whispered to one another and giggled before inviting a young Vulcan male, whose palpably tented robes indicated a rather intense Pon Farr cycle, to take a seat at their table.

The duo, who wished to be identified only as "Tara" and "Terry", wasted no time before engaging the young Vulcan stud in some rather provocative conversation.

"You look like you're ready to engage in some highly irrational behavior", suggested Terry.

Tara upped the ante by suggesting: "Both of us are equipped with launch bays which are well-equipped to service a Vulcan rocket ship, though mine might be a rather tight fit..."

The young Vulcan could utter no intelligible reply, but only anguished moans, as Tara coyly caressed his hand and led him to the elevator and her penthouse suite, where he would no doubt be fascinated exploring the hills and valleys of "Tara Firma".

When asked for comment, Sp'am, the manager of the basement bistro gave the following observation: "Given the abundance of randy human females in this establishment, it would be highly illogical for a young Vulcan male to maintain even a perfunctory semblance of monogamy."

Yes, it seems that even while a stiff Vulcan was being buried in Kir, Vulcan men in the city of Vulcana Regar were finding highly irregular places to bury their own stiff members.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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