Psychoanalyst and Ophthalmologist Beat the Hell out of Each Other On Elevator

Written by Harry Klondike

Tuesday, 31 March 2015

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Los Angeles, CA-So an ophthalmologist and a psychoanalyst get on an elevator... This may sound like the start of a great joke, but in actuality it was the beginning of a terrifying descent into unprofessional chaos.

Jorge Valdez, a once highly respected surgeon specializing in rare diseases of the eye had just received devastating news of his temporary medical license suspension after delivering, what he believed was a breakthrough discovery in his field. He said at the National Eye Institute Conference (held on the 20th floor of the Hilton Hotel) that vitreous detachments (aka floaters) in the eye weren't what they seemed.

"Over the past 32 years of chatting with patients during eye exams, I've found those complaining of floaters were most likely to have had imaginary friends in childhood. I therefore believe that these people may in fact be seeing apparitions of these companions which have long been neglected. This may be more of a psychical or spiritual matter rather than an ocular one."

Needless to say things went down hill from there. The word crazy was thrown around quite a bit.

Meanwhile on the 31st floor a another medical doctor was having a rough evening.

Jonathon Rosenblatt, an up and coming psychoanalyst was asked to leave the American Psychoanalytic Association due to his patients recovering from their ails too quickly.

Rick Stern M.D., PhD. was quoted as saying; "Psychoanalysis is about giving the analysand the dignity of being understood as a complex individual, worthy of full self realization. This is not a quick and simple processes. Fifteen years, for one hour five days a week is average. Eight years starts to raise eyebrows. This Rosenblatt kid had people in and out in 6 months feeling great. While I don't begrudge or deny the results and welfare of his patients- what he is practicing is definitely not analysis!

The Elevator

What police have pieced together is something along the lines of two men, both professionals, crossing paths at the worst possible time.

Dr. Valdez's account:

"I had just been laughed at and called a lunatic by people who I thought had enough professional courtesy to hear a new, albeit radical idea. It was sort of like a sign, or so I thought when the elevator doors open and there stands someone who could validate my sanity. Next thing I know we're rolling on the floor and I'm sure he threw the first punch. He's angry, immature, most likely jealous that my field is more respected as a science than his."

Dr. Rosenblatt wasn't available for comment, but his lawyer, Joe Levinson, said "On the night of the alleged incident the elevator doors opened and a man, who by the subjective appearance of my client, seemed to be an inebriated anti-Semitic immigrant of some sort ranting about ghost. He was in imminent fear of his life and did defend himself."

Neither the Dr., the Lawyer, or the police would speculate if alcohol was a factor. One thing is for sure, both men left with faces as bruised as their egos.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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