A Florida author has vowed to abandon atheism and find religion after realizing that many of his fellow atheists are complete and utter morons.
Duncan Whitehead of Miami, author of several badly edited, self-published pieces of 'drivel' and well known 'Joke Thief' came to his decision after scanning 'Twitter' for thirty minutes.
"I stumbled across so many atheists pretending to be comedians. So many atheists stating on their Twitter profiles 'I am an Atheist. Don't Preach to Me!', so many atheists attacking religion, mainly Christianity (seems we are a little scared to say anything about Islam) that I realized that religious people had every right to see us as a bunch of trolling morons," said Whitehead.
"It seems EVERY comedian claims they are an atheist. From the late George Carlin to Ricky Gervais to that Australian who got the shit kicked out of him on stage in Manchester. Making jokes about religion is easy, too easy...it has become boring. Every 'wannabe' funny guy on social media seems to be jumping in on the act, sadly these guys are spending way too much time attacking detractors rather than being funny. As an atheist for twenty years I am now ashamed of my non-religion. I want out."
Whitehead is now actively 'trying out' religions based mainly on what food he can eat, hats he has to wear and the amount of intolerance and injustice he has to agree to.
"Right now I am looking at Scientology. No beard needed right? And they won't mind my cross-dressing?"