Written by queen mudder

Monday, 30 March 2015


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image for 1,000 year-old 'Eye of Newt & Hair of Dog' remedy a superbug killer
Eye of newt/camel toe of frog/nipple of bat & hair of dog/adder's anus & blindworm's twat/lizard's lips & leopard's scat

Switzerland - An Anglo-Saxon potion 'for curing ye poxe' has been found to kill 99% of the antibiotic-resistant flesh-eating Necrotizing fasciitis virus scientists said today.

Discovered in a 9th century almanack of remedies called Baldy's Leechbook of Bloodsucker Healing the concoction consists of crushed garlic, onion, wine and cow's bile.

Applied as a poultice to rotting flesh it quickly reverses the virus's advance and can also be used successfully against fungal nail disease.

Make-up of the thousand year-old recipe specifies equal amounts of garlic and another allium such as onion or leek chopped finely and crushed in a mortar for ten minutes.

A 25ml (0.87 fl oz) glug of Best English country wine 'from a historic vineyard near Glastonbury' is then added to the mixture along with half a cup of bovine gall.

The pharmacist then aligns him/herself to face due east while chanting the eternal poultice mantra as defined by William Shakespeare:

'Eye of newt, camel toe of frog, nipple of bat and hair of dog, Adder's anus and blind-worm's twat, Lizard's lips and howlet's scat.'

A 10ml jar sells for $25,000.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Health, Superbug

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