Riderless Bicycles in London by 2020

Funny story written by slapcup

Wednesday, 4 March 2015

image for Riderless Bicycles in London by 2020
A riderless bicycle (artist's impression)

Boris Johnson has vowed that riderless bicycles will be common on UK streets by 2020, and has printed £50 million of public funds towards the project.

The bicycles, the result of a government Think Tank on new pedestrian propulsion systems, will be powered by rechargeable batteries, and will carry a video camera which will transmit a live video feed of the journey to the riders VR headset which, in turn, will be powered by a dynamo mounted on an indoor excercise bike in the comfort of the cyclist's home.

"If they stop pedalling, they will lose the experience and become fat," said Boris.

"I see enormous potential in the idea," Boris continued. "Imagine... imagine, if you will, millions of people enjoying a healthier lifestyle, getting fit, and all without the need for fossil fuels which pollute the air, and cost a great many Great British pounds."

When questioned whether cyclists would be losing something of the experience by converting to this less real, but greener, method of cycling, Boris was not flummoxed in the slightest, though he did wring his hands through his hair mass frustratedly. "To add to the immersivenessality, any bikes that crash will trigger a release of a sidewards anvil pendulum. Of course, we will insist that tax-paying users wear a helmet."

Boris was seen using the equipment in a suit at a recent cycling expo, and did not look at all ridiculous.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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