Crazy NFL Offseason Continues with Star Traded for Snickers Bar

Funny story written by StubbornGorilla

Friday, 13 March 2015

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"I guarantee I'm more satisfying than Romo's Play."

Just when you thought you had seen it all this busy first week of free agency in the NFL one team went the extra mile to make the most ridiculous trade of the year.

The Dallas Cowboys have traded perennial "bridesmaid but never a bride" quarterback Tony Romo for a Snickers candy bar.

When asked about the move, always shy owner Jerry Jones responded, "After DeMarco Murray walked out on us for the Eagles it seemed like a nice time to reevaluate our entire roster. Tony's a great guy, but a 72 - 57 career record isn't going to cut it for the quarterback of "America's Team".

Jones was asked about trading him for a candy bar, "Do you know how much cap space that is going to save us? Its huge! Plus, haven't you ever had a Snickers Bar? They really satisfy. It was a no-brainier!"

Asked if a lack of a Snickers Bar may have impaired his judgement, Jones responded (while bizarrely resembling Tatu from Fantasy Island), "It's true. I'm not myself when I'm hungry." Jones went on "De plane, de plane!"

CAA, the agency representing Tony Romo was asked about their opinion of the trade. Tom Condon replied, "You never like to see your player get traded when he doesn't want to, but the negotiating team was very persuasive." Asked if he was referring to the Snickers Bars that were falling out of his pockets, Condon replied, "No comment."

Tony Romo was asked how he felt about the trade, "Well, you know the business side of the NFL can be pretty unforgiving. I just hope there's a Snickers Bar for me somewhere in this deal."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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