How The My Pillow Guy Foiled The FBI
BILLINGSGATE POST: Any one who hasn’t seen Mike Lindell tout his new My Pillow 2.0 either is sleeping or comatose. With its new temperature technology, along with its My Pillow patented adjustable fill, your restless nights are over. If you bel…
Read full storyTrump Needs Help from the Public to Find a Nasty Campaign Name for Ron DeSantis
Trump - through several Media sources is appealing to his Right Wing Base (or anyone) to help him find a Nasty Campaign Name for Presidential competitor Ron DeSantis. (In Italian, Ron the Saint - Which DeSantis assuredly is not.) Trump tried…
Read full storyA Free Tibet Rises to Overthrow Mud Hole China
The Dalai Lama has sent out a secret message to all remaining Tibetans … “Get ready to rumble!” A cryptic remark, but some thinks this means that the Lama is amassing his troops for a revolt against Chinese authorities, to take back their country…
Read full storyTaiwan to Host Olympics – China Not Invited
Taiwan to hold the upcoming summer Olympics – but China is not invited. If any Chinese athletes even step on Taiwan soil, they will be arrested and deported, so they won’t even have a chance to compete. China hasn’t stated whether or not this will…
Read full storyPresident Xi Locked in Panda Love
The president of fascist commie China, Xi, has finally been found! He was on The Masked Singer! Dressed as a panda, of course. He sang, “I Did It All For The Nookie” (which would become ironic shortly after the show) and got a standing ovation…
Read full storyStay in Your Own Hemisphere, Earth!
The UN has drafted a “Hemisphere Resolution” which states: all hemispheres of the Planet Earth shall not interact with each other until they know how to play nice. The Northern Hemisphere is not allowed to talk to or even look at the Southern Hemi…
Read full storySteven Seagal is Melting for More Putin
Putin gave Steven Seagal an award for being a nice guy. Putin needs more ex-celebrities from America to show America “see … I’ve got one of yours! I’m going Hollywood!” What Putin doesn’t understand is that no one cares about Seagal anymore becaus…
Read full storyPutin Is Puttin’ On The Ritz
Vlad Putin has a black belt in judo (the martial art that involves lots of hugging – not gay, we swear), but his awesome fighting technique hasn’t been able to kill all his enemies. So he’s taken to dance! Putin has enrolled in tap dancing with a…
Read full storyWoke America – Get Off Our Planet!
The world has spoken and they’re tired of the good old US of A. America has started more wars, killed more foreign leaders, started more coups, poured poison into more drinking water and into the air, manufactured more nuclear and chemical and bio…
Read full storyDisney Robot Dinosaur Eats Three, But Still Hungry
A robot dinosaur in the Jurassic Park display at Disneyland has eaten three children! Ron DeSantis couldn’t be reached for comment, but a spokesperson for his office said that “Those children had been groomed by drag performers, so the dinosaur w…
Read full storySouth Africans Will Never Visit Israel, They’ve Been “There” Before
South Africans have vowed to never spend their tourist rands in Israel. “We come from apartheid,” said one South African man whose family has lived in the nation for over 2000 years – older than the white man’s god. “Why would we want to visit a c…
Read full storyKing Charles Ears Stuffed with Loneliness
Bonny King Charles has too much ear hair and can’t hear all the things people are saying to him. Granted, some of it is nice, and he wants to hear that, but the Royal Ears are stuffed with cotton – and no one is allowed to tell him so! Kings shoot…
Read full storyPrince Andrew Heading to Romania, for Vampires but No Pizza
Prince Andrew has decided that the heat is on in Britain and he can’t take it anymore … so he’s moving to Romania. Where another Andrew (never trust anybody named Andrew … this MUST be repeated) once holed up thinking no one would capture him and…
Read full storyMelania Loses Body Jewels in Toilet, Offers Meager Reward
Plumbers at Mar-A-Lago have been working day and night trying to retrieve Melania’s lost clitoris and nipple rings, which she flushed down the toilet “but now that Donald found out, I need them back or he beat me again and ask mama for refund”. So…
Read full storyTrump’s House of Wax
Trump has opened his own House of Wax, in which are wax sculptures of himself mostly, wearing different suits, in his golf gear, wearing a Captain America costume, as an astronaut, a cowboy, a ninja, and as an American dictator with millions saluting…
Read full storyAll American ID Cards to Bear Your Religious Brand
American driver’s licenses and other ID will be returning to the past, and having a person’s religious affiliation on it. What’s your religion? Does it matter? The future American government is giving itself the right to know, and to judge you on it.
Read full storyDivorced GOP Women Get Second Chance At Trump’s Concubine Ranch
Kellanne Conway and Marjorie Taylor Greene are both getting divorced. More and more GOP women are getting divorced because their husbands say: “I can walk down the goddamn street anymore without people hating me because of you! I want my life back…
Read full storyKellyanne to Hostess A Match Made in Hell
Kellyanne Conway is getting a divorce! Yay, now she’s available for the rest of us! But the chances of her hooking up with anyone is slim to nil (unless Trump makes her one of his concubines), so Kellyanne doesn’t have a lot of chance at romance.
Read full storyPirates to Attack Floating Cities in Elon’s Future Dreams
Elon Musk is interested in floating cities. An island, constructed by people, on which an entire city stands. Like Manhattan, if its island could float and move around for a moveable feast of all things New York. Who doesn’t want that city off…
Read full storyBieber Got Vaccinated Against Perpetual Youth
Justin Bieber’s face has yet to lift. It’s still sunken from his take of the ‘vaccine’. Will Bieber ever be able to rise again back to his former glory? Alas, even more side effects have come to curse the Bieb. He is now 30 years old, but he lo…
Read full storyTwo Rabbis and a Cup
A secret video has been released from Jerusalem, where holiness is king. “Two Rabbis and a Cup”. Speaks volumes, if you know the reference, but since it’s rabbis with the cup, and rabbis are apparently holy, according to them, then the cup also…
Read full storyPalestinian Porn Hotter Than Israeli Apartheid
A whistleblower from Haifa, Israel, has stated that the Mossad has been putting an additive in the water supply of Palestinians in order to make women infertile and to stop the birth of more Palestinian babies. Well, no shit, this is a surprise?…
Read full storyRainbow Rabbis in Wailing Wall Fashion Show
Israeli rabbis are getting a fashion change, and some couldn’t be happier. (Others, however, are very angry, as many rabbis are when things don’t go their way and they don’t get free money for doing nothing but chanting all day and making everyon…
Read full storyNew Amendments to Be Added to “Perfect” American Constitution
More amendments are coming to the “perfect” American constitution, clearly written in stone and unchangeable … unless someone decides otherwise … to make it better for the next generation or two of presidents to violate people’s rights and, when arg…
Read full storySteve Bannon’s Prison Toilet Wine Sold to Drunk MAGAs
Steve Bannon has escaped custody to go on CPAC and tell the GOP world that he is addicted to the toilet wine he learned to make in prison. Granted, it may give you a heavy skin rash that’s incurable and an “alcoholic nose”, but Steve says, “it’s b…
Read full storyCPAC Getting Cancelled for Better WhiteWashed Happy TV
Ratings for the latest CPAC show are in, and it’s not good. There were so few people at the CPAC meeting, and even fewer watching it, that Fox has decided to cancel it. They’re brainstorming ideas of other TV shows to replace CPAC, like “The Jesu…
Read full storyDeSantis and the Disneyland Cocaine Connection
DeSantis was caught with 100 kilos of high grade pure Columbian cocaine in his gym bag the other day, but he said he was “holding it for a friend”. The friend was with the ATF squad and had once played Goofy at Disneyland. DeSantis said that Mick…
Read full storyGrandpa & Grandma Havin’ Non-Stop Vaccine Sex Orgies!
Due to the Voivod ‘vaccine’ (which does not turn you into a vampire, despite its promises), the elderly have more of it in their systems than anyone else since they had the most to fear and lose, as in, their lives. And all those aftereffects whic…
Read full storyMar-A-Lago to Be Torn Down to Search for More Illegal “Substances”
The FBI has revealed that when (not IF) Donald Trump is arrested, they may tear down Mar-A-Lago entirely as they look for more secret documents and other illegal substances, especially in Don Junior’s bedroom, and Melania’s too. And Eric. And Tiffany…
Read full storyChicken Wing Hot Sauce for The Rager
Ron DeSantis had a recent doctor’s visit to make sure that he was a prime specimen of manhood, ready to lead the free world into the next hate-filled generation of Americans. The doctor did a thorough examination, especially of Ron’s asshole, whic…
Read full storyMore Thingies In The News - The Headlines Never Stop!
Putin lashes out at Russian oligarchs and their “elite real estate and their yachts. A definite case of the Put calling the kettle black. Of course Putin would never be caught dead, having a big mansion and a yacht, would he? What would Lenin have s…
Read full storyGeologists Make An Astounding Discovery In One of The Largest Salt Mines In The World
MUMBAI, India - (Satire News) - India's Sacred Cow News Agency has just made an amazing discovery in one of its salt mines, which just happens to be the largest one in the entire world, even larger than the salt mine located in Iceland. A writer f…
Read full storyThe FBI Has Just Announced That Donald Trump and Alex Murdaugh Will Be Cellmates At Sing Sing Federal Prison
WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - In a very surprising announcement the FBI has just informed the news media that two pieces of baboon shit (aka Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump and Alexander Beverly Murdaugh) will be sharing a jail cell at the infamou…
Read full storyFour Americans Treated Like Mexicans
Four renegade Americans jumped over the border wall into Mexico, and the Mexicans took things from there. Reporters have noticed the similarity to what Trump did to Mexican men, woman and children, and all those dog cages, but the Republicans know…
Read full storyMAGA fans line up for the Donut Trump
At Dunkin Donuts, they’ve revealed their next greatest idea: the Donut Trump. Lines of MAGA have formed around the block and almost to Mexico just to get a taste of the donut. Some have called it” “vile”, “nasty”. “what’s in this, bleach?”, “ta…
Read full storyTrump is Now Anti-Trump, says MAGA
In an astounding turn of events, at this latest CPAC, Donut Trump said he hated to see social security and Medicare depleted by anyone … did he know he was talking against his own party Is he still in politics? Does he know what day it is? Further…
Read full storyUS Government Mandates TikTok Be Removed From Government Devices But Says Porn & Pill Sites Okay To Stay
Washington, DC – Federal authorities recently cracked down on TikTok, the Chinese-owned video hosting service, because of the information security risks they believe are associated with the very popular social media app. After a hush-hush closed-doo…
Read full storyThere will be 'Cats' at the Coronation - Andrew Llloyd Webber To Do Music
King Charles is getting Andrew Lloyd Webber to do the Coronation music. Prince William - a Lloyd-Webber fan came up with the idea. Charles and Lloyd-Webber have had discussions - and Charles being a modern monarch wants to modernize the basic…
Read full storyGuess What? Donald Trump Says There’s Plenty Of Gas
They say a broken clock is right twice a day. Well, Donald Trump finally got something right. That is, if he were talking about his digestive system. Yes, there’s sure to be plenty of gas there, as well as a lot of hot air. While addressing the CP…
Read full storyNorth Carolina Has Banned The Nasty Expression "Pull My Finger"
RALEIGH, North Carolina - (Satire News) - It is no secret that a certain group of North Carolina residents (GOPers) do not have even a sliver of a sense of humor. For years, the rest of the nation has commented on how dry the Republican folks of N…
Read full storyOne of America's Most Popular Porn Stars Is Running For Governor of Georgia
ATLANTA, Georgia - (Satire News) - The Pyramid Hotel and Gambling Casino in Las Vegas first introduced porn star Moxie Windwater to the Vegas casino goers a year ago on Valentines Day. And Moxie quicky became a favorite at the roulette wheel table…
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