Bonny King Charles has too much ear hair and can’t hear all the things people are saying to him.
Granted, some of it is nice, and he wants to hear that, but the Royal Ears are stuffed with cotton – and no one is allowed to tell him so! Kings shoot messengers!
Other things he may not want to hear, about him being a poofter and protecting Andrew and all that Harry and Meghan stuff … but there’s too much stuff in his ears.
“Why won’t my subjects talk to me? Why must it be lonely being at the top? Hello? Did I just hear a Who?”
Excessive ear hair has caused the fall of more than one king throughout history, so Royal watchers are wondering who will dare tell the King about his Peter Rabbit ears, and will they live to see their next birthday?
The Catch-22, of course, is that even if a messenger could survive telling the message, the King can’t hear a thing. One would have to approach stealthily His Highness with a pair of clippers and shave off the hair in order to be heard.
But this could be interpreted as an attack on the King’s royal person, and thus, the messenger dies in the end anyway.
Poor deaf King … lonely in his silent royal world.