Vlad Putin has a black belt in judo (the martial art that involves lots of hugging – not gay, we swear), but his awesome fighting technique hasn’t been able to kill all his enemies. So he’s taken to dance!
Putin has enrolled in tap dancing with a little jazz hands and lambada on the side, thinking that what his judo needs is some fancy footwork. And who knows feet better than dancers?
He thought about ballet, since his country practically invented it, but he said it was “too fruity”. And homosexuality is still illegal in that modern nation, especially in Vlad’s luxurious bathroom, which is large enough to contain one of his long desks and to dance a waltz.
Putin tapped to the best tap song, “Puttin’ On The Ritz”, as seen in “Young Frankenstein”, where a monster dances with its maker, just as Putin danced with a corpse he tried to reanimate after poisoning it for trying to form a non-Putin political party. Dancing with corpses? How long ‘til Halloween?
Later, President Xi of China showed up and did some breakdancing moves he had been working on, both leaders thinking their dance moves made them look cool, and not hilarious.
“Dictators Dancin’ the Night Away” … look out, America’s Got Talent, there’s a new show coming this Fall!
Catch the Tapdancing Putin Fever!
