Can Gets Restraining Order Against Can Opener
An ornery can of tomato sauce has been granted a restraining order against a sadistic can opener who is constantly offing the heads of all of the can’s family and relatives. The 15 ounce can of tomato sauce, Larry Veryred has been living in fear…
Read full storyEx Prez. Don Trump Has New Pop Music Single - With Prison Chorus Backup
Several Media sites report Donald Trump releasing a Pop single for Charity. (It would be Charity toward all of us if He didn't release it. ) Donald dramatically recites the 'Pledge of Allegiance - (with possible echoes of Elvis) - while the…
Read full storySpelling Bee to Buzz in Illiterate Brains
Later this year, American politicians from all sides of all aisles will have to undergo a mandatory basic math and spelling test, which is usually designed for Fourth Graders. There have been too many dumb things said by certain politicians (to be…
Read full storyIs MTG Hopped Up On ‘Roid Rage?
Marjorie Taylor Greene underwent a certain physical exam the other day, and her doctor was forced to report his findings to the Sports Committee of America. The doctor said, “We weren’t sure whether or not she was hopped up on steroids. Have you s…
Read full storyMurdaugh dreams of another life
Former South Carolina attorney Richard "Alex" Murdaugh was sentenced to two consecutive life sentences Friday after being convicted of a terrible crime. What happened? There's a missing piece to the puzzle! Murdaugh is a seasoned prosecutor himsel…
Read full storyCCN Reports 'Drug Hippos' Being Given Away by the Country of Colombia
Would anyone want a Pet Hippo? They are three tons of wet fun - but you have to live on a lake or river - or be put in a very large Hippo Pool. Colombian Drug Kingpin Pablo Escobar imported them to a Colombian river 10 years ago - when he ra…
Read full storyMexico's Federal Ministerial Police Has Captured Al-Qaeda's Notorious Terrorist Shin Su Shaker
VACAVILLE, Mexico - (Satire News) - Mexico is proud to report that their federal police have just captured Shin Su Shaker, a notorious Al-Qaeda terrorist. The hate-filled terrorist was captured as he took a pee in an alley behind one of Vacaville'…
Read full storyGlastonbury Festival Lite 2023
Michael Eavis today announced that Glastonbury Festival 2023 will be headlined by Arctic Monkeys and Guns N' Roses. They are set to join Sir Elton of John for the annual music festival. However, due to the current cost of living crisis, music-love…
Read full storyPresident Biden Is Stepping Things Up - He Says He Wants Trump In Prison As Soon As Possible
WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - A very reputable source inside the White House has stated (under the table) that POTUS wants Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump incarcerated in a federal prison as soon as humanly possible. President Biden says that f…
Read full storyA 14-Year-Old Boxing Sensation From Laredo, Texas Knocks Out Mike Tyson In The 1st Round
LAS VEGAS - (Sports Satire) - Boxing history was made at The Pyramid Gambling Casino and Hotel thanks to a 14-year-old boxing sensation from Laredo, Texas, named Sunny "The Tsunami" Sinatini and the once-amazingly powerful punching Mike "Ink Face" Ty…
Read full storyRethinking Dr. Seuss
After Harvey Weinstein got put through the politically correct ring of fire, two well known children’s book writers are being dragged out of their graves to be given a re-write by the Anti-Defamation League (ADL). Jews today are better, stronger,…
Read full storyBurger King Is Honoring The LGBTQ Community With It's New Spicy Flaming Hot Double Meat Whopper Burger
MIAMI BEACH, Florida - (Fast Food Satire) - Burger King has always been a friend of the LGBTQ community recently donating over 3,000 Whopper Burgers to the homeless, needy, and hungry gays and lesbians of south Florida. And in keeping with their d…
Read full storyThe Arizona Cardinals Say That They Do Not Have Any Interest In Aaron Rodgers
PHOENIX - (Sports Satire) - The Phoenix Hot Sun Newspaper reports that the NFL Phoenix Cardinals have made it abundantly clear to Aaron Rodgers that they are not the least bit interested in hiring him to be their quarterback. Team spokesperson F.F…
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