There were 192 spoof news stories published in October 2014. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Drones Demand Extra Pay for Working in NYC
Sure they're unmanned, but that doesn't mean those airborne vehicles don't wanna have a life. If the drones have to put up with trouble and inconvenience, they expect to be adequately compensated for it. A bunch of them made that abundantly cle...
Read full storyEbola Virus Can Be Transmitted Through Internet Warns Hospital Worker
Public health officials have acknowledged the possibility that anyone could contract Ebola just by surfing the web; widening the possibility that anyone even just reading this article has probably contracted the killer disease. According to "Chubb...
Read full storyConfessions of a Spam Filter
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Sometimes I'm bored and don't do my job right. I'm guilty of the following bad deeds: -- Just to foul up the works, I often grab up some non-spam emails and refuse to let them out of my clutches. I enjoy the confusion, scheduling conflicts, and pandemonium that results. Yes! -- My computer owner is obnoxious and full of himself, so last week I let a lo...
Read full storyEbola Virus Predicted To Kill Two Million In USA By Christmas
The deadliest outbreak of Ebola virus on record has sparked fears that the killer virus could kill over 2,000,000 Americans by Christmas. This shocking prediction came from "Fat Dave", a regular at The Village Well Inn located in Fort Lauderdale,...
Read full storySnoop Dogg Says His Battle with Glaucoma is Finally Over
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA-- During an exclusive interview with TMZ, Rapper, Actor, and Entrepreneur, Snoop Dogg (aka Snoop Lion) has admitted that his long struggle with glaucoma is finally over. "I'm just glad this shizzle is finally over, I...
Read full storyMan claims he's the only white guy in country named Tyrone
Tyrone Biggs of Trenton, NJ claims he's the only white guy in the country named "Tyrone". "I'm the only one," said Biggs, a thirty-eight year old husband and father of two young girls. "People who learn my name before they meet me in person are pr...
Read full storyTed Cruz Nude Pics Crash Internet
Internet providers scambled on Monday to get their servers back on line after nude photos of Sen. Ted Cruz were posted on line by a Hollywood Gossip site. The photos (so graphic that they caused projectile vomiting by some internet users) where...
Read full storyObama Coalition Against ISIS Is A Farce
As ISIS fighters seemed ready to take the town of Kobani on the Turkish border, Kurdish opposition said they were running out of ammunition. "Gee, that's too bad," said U.S. Secretary of Defense, Chuck Hegel. " I guess President Obama's coaliti...
Read full storyNew National Sperm Bank "ATM" Machine Proposal
The new National Sperm Bank in Birmingham is to have "night deposit boxes" and sperm withdrawal A.T.M machines like any other bank, a spokesperson for the N.S.B told our sperm welfare staff this morning. Nasty letters will be sent out to customer...
Read full storyDonald Trump Pays NBC to Renew The Apprentice Again
New York, NY It was announced today that there will be another season of Donald Trump's ego-fest The Apprentice, which led most people in the United States to assume that Trump is paying NBC, which has been having money problems lately, to run the sh...
Read full storyStoned NFL Referee Sets Record For Calling the Most Fouls on One Play
David slew Goliath with a slingshot, Samson killed a thousand men with the jawbone of a jackass and Guy Fawkes learned that attempting to blow up the House of Lords was probably not such a good idea after all. On Sunday, these men's feats were sur...
Read full storyiPads implanted in human fetus, starts texting at 5 months!
In a press release today, the Cleveland Clinic in conjunction with several other teaching hospitals around the country announced that they had successfully implanted I-Pads in human fetus! "What is amazing," said Dr. T. J. McCorkle of The Clevela...
Read full storyCDC Issues a Level 3 Warning Against the FNV, or FOX News Virus
ATLANTA, GA--The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) today issued a Level 3 warning against a new, potentially contagious virus it is calling FNV, or the FOX News Virus. The FNV, explained Dr. Samuel Grimes of the CDC, is highly communicable, especial…
Read full storyDead Sea Squirrels Found in a Cave Near the West Bank
WEST BANK-A number of Dead Sea Squirrels, found in one of the Qumran Caves in a large plateau near the West Bank, have stunned archeologists at the nearby Qumran National Park who are investigating them. The Dead Sea Squirrels, six of them sta...
Read full story'Get well' cards speeding the spread of Ebola, CDC warns
Washington - A new study by the Centers for Disease Control has found that the common "get well" card is the leading carrier of the deadly Ebola virus. The government health agency has issued emergency usage guidelines in response. "Your typical g...
Read full storyFun facts about cremation
I'm thinking about getting cremated. Well, not today. I think I'll wait until I'm dead. But here's a little fun fact about cremation: You can have your ashes mailed to a loved one. I don't think so. My ashes would get lost in the mail and I would have to file a missing ash report. Hold on, Cousin Willie, I know what you're thinking. You would replace the letter h in the word ash with th...
Read full storyRich Stingy, Working People More Generous
Between 2006 and 2012, the wealthiest Americans became less generous with charitable donations, as a share of their total income, while lower- and middle-income Americans reached farther into their pockets as they witnessed the need for charity in th...
Read full storyRoman Abramovich's credit card declined at swanky NYC eatery
New York - The Russian mobster was left red faced last night at trendy Upper East Side restaurant Kolestroll Klub when his credit card was declined after wolfing down a $5,000 slap-up meal. Abramovich, 69, who never carries cash, was forced to pul...
Read full storyHindenburg Zeppelin Disaster Finally Solved
In 1776 Marie Curie invented radiation. In 10,254.543 BC, Grog invented the bonfire and shortly afterwards, the Bar-B-Que. In 1935 Moe slapped fellow Stooge, Curly, repeatedly until he came up with a vision which would eventually lead to the creati...
Read full storyMy new pet just arrived UPS, and man is he cool!
I just got the best pet in the world. A Goliath Birdeater, a spider that's been shipped from the Amazon Rain Forest to my little abode in New Jersey. My Goliath Birdeater has the dubious honor of being the largest arachnid in the world. It's about...
Read full storyTo Woo Women Voters, Republicans to Hand Out Free Rape Kits at Their National Convention in 2024
WASHINGTON, D.C.-With Joe Biden winning the women's vote nearly 57% to 42% over his challenger Donald Trump, Republicans are poised, in 2024, to woo back the women's vote. Their secret plan: To hand out free rape kits to women leading up to and at th…
Read full storyNorth Korean Leader Kim Jong-Un Has Ebola Virus
North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, who made his first public appearance since 3 September earlier today, is said have contracted the deadly Ebola virus. North Korea's official news agency, KCNA says that Mr Kim "very likely" caught the disease from...
Read full storyKim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Taylor Swift Have Trivia Contest
Hollywood, California The Trivia Contest starring Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Taylor Swift, started off with Paris Hilton asked to name five states to which she answered, "Confusion, California, France, Shock, and California.
Read full storySports Betting Good for Heart Health and Blood Pressure Says Las Vegas Casino Owners
Las Vegas, NV Las Vegas casino owners concluded a study and released the findings today. They found that gambling on anything, but especially sports, is very therapeutic and has many benefits, including lowering the risk of heart attack, stroke, and...
Read full storyA collection of Michael Owen's best tweets
Since joining Twitter the former football player and now commentator Michael Owen has shared his insights into life. Find below some of the nuggets of interest- It's Friday night! Think I might treat myself to a glass of water - I deserve it Good to see out of some of the football matches played today, several of them had winners. Football on later. Hopefully we'll see plenty of ball kic...
Read full storyDaniel O'Donnell: Outrageous Claims Infuriate Erstwhile Fans
Everyone's favourite cuddly and genial country singer, Daniel O'Donnell, has enraged thousands of fans in Ireland, both North and South. Apparently, the man unfortunately caricatured by malicious critics as the housewife's favourite, is actually not...
Read full storyIslamic State readies bioterror drone nicknamed The Ebola Gay
Syria - A 3-D printed Boeing B-29 Superfortress bomber is being kitted out by Islamic State terrorists in readiness to launch a germ warfare drone dubbed The Ebola Gay. Pentagon satellite footage from the Syrian desert shows a partially assembled...
Read full storyVictoria's Secret merges with the Secret Service to form… wouldn't you like to know?
Washington -- Bra and panty emporium Victoria's Secret is combining with the Secret Service to create the most secret organization that the world has ever known. "We are doubly secret, which makes us twice as secret than any other entity in the un...
Read full storySeth Rogen passes drug test
According to an anonymous Hollywood studio executive, actor/comedy-writer Seth Rogen recently passed a mandatory drug test which was required for an upcoming role. The negative THC results surprised studio management due to Rogen's well-known mar...
Read full storyTeenage girl puts down smartphone, grabs book
A Chicago-area teenage girl, who, according to her parents, hasn't put down her smartphone in 4 years, recently put her device down and picked up a book. "I was shocked," said the girl's father, Neil Withers, about the seeing his daughter with a...
Read full storyChinese kid isn't good at math
A Chinese 5th grader at an elementary school in the Boston-area is apparently last in his class when it comes to math. The student, Chen Wu Zhang, was born in the United States, but his mother and father emigrated to the U.S. from China in 1999.
Read full storyGovernment Approves Adding Chemicals to Scottish Water Supplies
The systematic addition of chemicals to Scottish water supplies is to resume to keep rebellion levels down. Additional chemical dosing will continue in keeping with pre-referendum Westminster policy, effectively maintaining a docile disposition in th...
Read full storyPalin Clan To Head Up New Hillbilly Olympics
Wassilly, Alaska In an attempt to redeem her family's honor after their recent drunken brawl, former Alaska governor and Republican Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin announced today that she will sponsor a new sports contest called the Hillbill...
Read full storyArmless man caught masturbating on subway
A disturbing scene unfolded on the Los Angeles Metro Red Line Monday afternoon (Yes, L.A. actually does have mass transit), when an armless man began masturbating on the train in plain sight. The incident, which occurred around 4:30 PM between th...
Read full storyObama Decides to Import Deadly Communicable Diseases
WASHINGTON D.C. - President Obama spoke to his advisers about a new plan to import deadly communicable diseases. "We can import people with highly contagious, deadly diseases to reduce the population of America to improve the economy" he said.
Read full storyPSNI/Gardai Smash Radiostar Country Barbiturates Ring
The Irish and British have been at each other's throats for centuries, in a way that makes the rap grudge between Kanye West and LL Cool J look like as pointless and infantile as a mere peevish World of Warcraft endless circle-jerk of meaningless con...
Read full storyHalloween Promotion leads to City Quarantine
Police have today slammed a Melbourne events company for having "a reckless lack of social awareness" after a publicity stunt for an upcoming Halloween event caused chaos in an inner-city apartment building and the closure of an entire city block. O...
Read full storyNo Problem That Rich Get Richer In U.S.
The jobless rate has fallen to 6% in figures released by the government. President Obama responded, "lot of good stuff is happening in the economy but some minor challenges remain." Said Secretary of Labor, Bud Costello, "The minor glitches in th...
Read full storyRenowned spoof writer claims "fart" now exceeds "booger" as leading headline grabber!
The Reverend T.J. McCorkle of Louisburg, NC issued a statement this morning stating that after extensive research over a period of twenty years the word "fart" in a spoof headline has exceeded the word "booger"as the leading headline grabber in spoof...
Read full storyJihadis' apocalyptic end-of-days HQ of Dabiq sitting on 'Holy Hand Grenade Of Antioch' sinkhole say Wiccans
Dabiq - A World Council of Wicca elder has written to Islamic State bigwigs about their adherents flocking to the Syrian border personality town of Dabiq scene of an ancient 7th century Sunni prophecy about Judgement Day. Mother Superior says she...
Read full storyDavid Norris Disappointed at not Coming First in "Greatest Ever Fine Gael Member" Poll
Few were surprised when, in a recent RTE poll, Michael Collins was voted best ever Fine Gael man. Indeed, it appears that many Irish people consider Collins a great man; perhaps even better than such leading lights of the party as, say, the charis...
Read full storyPothead gets off couch, applies for job
Earlier this week, a Cleveland, OH pothead finally got up from his parent's couch, went out, and applied for a job. This according to the pothead's parents, who requested to remain anonymous due to embarrassment over having a pothead as a son.
Read full storyISIS Re-Names Itself S.H.I.T.
As the United States-led battle against radical forces rages in Iraq and Syria, a new linguistic front is emerging. Muslim groups in Europe and beyond are lashing out at the Islamic State in protests and on social media, advocating alternative ways...
Read full storyJohn McCain Regrets Choosing Sara Palin
WASHINGTON - Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and her family, including husband Todd Palin, daughters Bristol and Willow Palin and son Track Palin were involved in a drunken fistfight at a house party in Anchorage several weeks ago. The one-time vice...
Read full storyReal Reason For Ebola In Dallas Discovered
DALLAS -- Health officials' handling of the first Ebola patient diagnosed in the United States continued to raise questions Friday, after the hospital that is treating the patient and that mistakenly sent him home when he first came to its emergency...
Read full storyISIS' Guns Fall Silent Following Coalition Air Strikes
Battle lines in northern Iraq and Syria have fallen strangely silent in the past few days following the latest air strikes by coalition aircraft. In a press conference this morning in Washington, the Joint-Rolling Chiefs of Stash explained the rea...
Read full storyAuto Chiefs Laugh At Death, Party On
Global Motors Executives who either ignored or engaged in a cover up of defective cars with airbag, break, steering and ignition problems, which caused deaths and injuries to many, have been on a retreat in Indianapolis, Indiana. It is an enclav...
Read full storyBlack customer tips waitress
A Detroit-area waitress was pleasantly surprised Monday night when the black man she had served left her a tip. Emily Anderson of Roseville, MI has been a waitress at a local restaurant for 18 months, and, according to her, a black customer has n...
Read full storyShop A Celebrity Campaign Offers £10,000 As T.V. Trials Dry Up
Major media companies have offered huge inducements to fill the gap left by trial reporting on T.V. as next week sees the end of yet another celebrity ordeal. Rumours of rewards such as £10,000 in Woolworths vouchers and free video hires for a year f...
Read full storySwedish 'Hunt For Red October' finds Russian oligarch's capsized sub
Stockholm - A bit of Cold War submersible kit found adrift off Stockholm Archipelago's murky waters may be the remains of an emergency sub that fell off Roman Abramovich's superyacht Dun Frackin a Swedish Coast Guard spokesman said today. The str...
Read full storyPresident Obama comes out: 'I'm proud to be a Tranny'
WASHINGTON, DC - President Barack Obama announced today that he is transgender, confirming what many Republicans have suspected for years. In his statement, he acknowledged that his original name was Blossom Obama. She had the sex change surgery a...
Read full storyGiant Halloween 'gay vagina' dirigible freaks out Islamic State insurgents
Fertile Crescent, Syria - A 500ft Hindenberg-like inflatable drone shaped like the Queen of Halloween's punani has crossed into Islamic State airspace close to rebel-held territory of Mount Skrotomb. Insurgents immediately stopped bobbing for app...
Read full story$100m Virgin InterGalactic Spaceship bombs
Mojave Desert, California - Bankrolled by a bunch of Wall Street hedge fund Trekkies Richard Branson's SpaceShipTwo exploded during a test fright over the Mojave Desert this morning. The $100m craft blew up unexpectedly just daze after NASA's In...
Read full storyObama, Putin, Stalin - Historical Revisionists
WASHINGTON - Revisionist history is to be understood as a consciously falsified or distorted interpretation of the past to serve partisan or ideological purposes in the present. The prime example of this kind of history is the Soviet Union under J...
Read full storyTeam Loses "Must Win" Game, Decides Just Screw It For The Rest Of The Season
The Topeka Grizzlies, a semi pro football team, has just decided to forget about the remaining 6 games and concentrate on their day jobs and families, a spokesman for the team said yesterday. The team, which was 1-3 in the Midwest Central Leagu...
Read full storyNude News sued
The Canuck TV network Nude News has been sued by disgruntled subscribers who complain that the newscasters are not nude--at least, not all the time. The female reporters typically appear wearing next to nothing--a skimpy black dress, for example,...
Read full storyVenus adds a touch of euthanasia to Thursday's somber solar eclipse
The Cosmos - A trainwreck astrological alignment straddles the Cosmos this Thursday when the Sun, Moon and Venus all pile into Scorpio triggering a solar eclipse in the Zodiac's Sign of Death. Skywatchers liken the aspect to a morphine/cocaine hig...
Read full storyPastors Say Jimmy Carter Is Going To Hell
Two North Carolina Baptist pastors are observing President Jimmy Carter's 90th birthday by suggesting that he might go to hell for saying that Jesus wouldn't discriminate against LGBT people. Pastor David McManus accused Carter of embracing the "h...
Read full storyJoe Biden Apologizes to Erdogan of Turkey, Aragorn - Son of Arathorn
Washington, D.C. - Ever the one with his foot in his mouth, Vice President Joe Biden seems to be on an apology tour himself lately. Earlier this week, Mr. Biden was forced to apologize to the leader of Turkey, President Erdogan, after stating that Tu...
Read full storyBibi and Barry to settle "chickensh*t" controversy with duel using Glock pistols and other paraphernalia
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and President Barack Obama have decided to settle recent differences, and the spat over Mr. Netanyahu being called "chickensh*t," at the firing range. This contest is becoming known as "the grassy knoll" duel ser...
Read full storyFormer UNC Chapel Hill Standout Offensive Tackle Writes an Op-Ed to the 'Akron Beacon Journal'
I've been looking over a recent copy of the Akron Beacon Journal. It's not a fair or balanced paper, as I see it, and really should have a sickle and hammer on its flag. And I'm pretty darned liberal myself. I remember back, oh, about 20 years or...
Read full storyExhibit or Exhibitionism?
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM, TEXASS - The citizens of Houston, TX, have a problem with Jorge Marin's statues. They're male--and they're naked. "Whether they be flesh and blood or bronze, we don't cotton to no naked men here in Houston, partner," Jim ("Big Bear") Butt said. The brawny bronzes in the sculptor's Wings of the City collection have stirred more than a few Houstonites, as residents...
Read full storyEbola testing at Hamptons Film Festival ahead of Wednesday's eclipsed blood moon
Long Island - Astrologers advising the 22nd Hamptons International Film Festival are recommending the installation of a giant anti-Ebola sheep dip at Montauk Airport ahead of Wednesday's lunar eclipse. The blood-red supermoon will be conjunct Ura...
Read full storyEbola Outbreak Fears May Be Warranted
The Ebola outbreak has set off an alarm around the world. Public health leaders say the intense concern is appropriate, given the unprecedented size of the outbreak and the deadliness of the virus. All experts say the outbreak has also produced a...
Read full storyDrug Cartels Trick Of Sending Young Kids Across U.S. Border Successfully Fools Guards
Suspicions have arisen lately that the recent spate of Latin children coming across the southern U.S. border were no spontaneous occurrence. Darker implications have revealed themselves. "The operation was a total success!" states Juan Cokefetcher...
Read full storySnoop Dogg Will Run For Senator of Colorado
Denver, CO Popular and famed rap star and marijuana advocate Snoop Dogg announced that he is establishing residency in Colorado so that he could establish torun for Senate from Colorado. Snoop Dogg praised the state for its pro-marijuana stance an...
Read full storyNew CDC Alert Provides Election Day Strategy
Washington - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have issued an urgent advisory, calling on Americans to wash their hands carefully after voting in this year's midterm elections. The procedure is called the Pontius Pilate Gambit, af...
Read full storyJohn Boner Switches Position On Gays
In the past, Speaker of The House of Representatives John Boner said," Listen, I believe that marriage is the union of one man and one woman," Boehner said. "All right. It's what I grew up with. It's what I believe. It's what my church teaches me. An...
Read full storyArabic man gets through airport security without any hassle
When Abdullah Al-Bariq passed through security at Detroit Metro Airport last weekend without being questioned, detained, or extensively-searched, he was delighted, yet very surprised. "Usually I get to the airport at least 12 hours ahead of time,...
Read full storyMonsanto Seeks to Genetically Modify Food Labeling Laws
Food industry giant Monsanto has announced that it will seek to genetically modify proposed food labeling laws so as to make them better able to withstand the powerful Monsanto-produced insecticide Roundup. In recent years, Monsanto has expended...
Read full storyScientists discover death could actually be good for your health
Scientists at the university of Stockholm have revealed that dying could actually have substantial health benefits for your body. Previously experts felt that when a person expires there were no advantages and that life simply ended, however that has...
Read full storySenator Rand Paul Quarantined After Contracting Ebola
BOWLING GREEN, KY-Libertarian firebrand Rand Paul has apparently contracted Ebola from a virus that was carried all the way to Bowling Green, Kentucky, via La Nina, from Liberia. Paul contracted the deadly virus only days after telling Concord N...
Read full storyBrit security services using construction tower cranes to spy on wannabe IS jihadis says Director Comey
New York - The CEO of the FBI has praised an innovative UK surveillance program that tracks potential terrorists with spyware fixed to high-rise construction cranes following the arrest of four suspected jihadis in London. "Of course we sold them...
Read full storyObama Calls Putin "A Big Doo-Doo Head"
Washington, DC The world was shocked when President Barack Obama called Russian Premier Vladimir Putin "a big doo-doo head" upon hearing that Putin blamed the United States for the conflict in the Ukraine and Israeli terrorism. "I think it's good...
Read full storySouth Florida mayors consider seceding from the United States to seek world relief from potential high tides and dangerous storms
Miami-The mayors of Miami, Miami Beach, South Miami, Fort Lauderdale and other communities in southern Florida are about to petition the United States and the United Nations to allow them to separate-not just from the rest of Florida, but from the e...
Read full storyGeorge Osborne Diagnosed With Night of the Living Dead Syndrome
Stunned PM David Cameron has denied prior knowledge that side kick George Osborne is a long term victim of Night of the Living Dead Syndrome In an emotional press conference held this afternoon, the PM rushed to calm fears that the zombie Chancellor...
Read full storyRepublicans Use Hitler's Mein Kamph
"WASHINGTON With four weeks to go before the midterm elections, Republicans have made questions of how safe we are - from disease, terrorism or something unspoken and perhaps more ominous - central in their attacks against Democrats," says today's N...
Read full storyHong Kong Police Train U.S. Campus Cops
A famous pepper spray incident occurred on November 18, 2011, during an Occupy movement demonstration at the University of California, Davis. After asking the protesters to leave, University police pepper sprayed a group of demonstrators as they were...
Read full storyNew Terrorist Group "SHAZAAM" Says ISIS is for Punks!
An even more violent and ruthless terrorist group "Shazaam" released a video today calling ISIS members "Punks" and "Pussy Boys". The twenty minute video showed the groups leader, tearing off the head of a captured ISIS fighter and then eating s...
Read full storyMandela funeral 'fake' sign language interpreter surfaces at Bill de Blasio conference
New York - An Israeli impostor who wowed the world with a selection of random sign language rants at Nelson Mandela's televised funeral last year has surfaced again - at an Ebola conference in New York this weekend chaired by Mayor Bill de Blasio.
Read full storyPolice Can't Return Unwanted Tanks To Pentagon
After images of tank-like vehicles in Ferguson turned against ordinary citizens, many towns are trying to return military gear supplied by the Defense Department-and finding it impossible. The tanks came from a vast Defense Department program that...
Read full storyKim Jong-Un is on Video Game Binge
Pyongyang, North Korea Kim Jong-Un, rotund ruler of North Korea, who has not been seen in public since early September, was revealed to be holed up in one of his palatial palaces playing video games. "Ever since he started playing Grand Theft Auto...
Read full storySecret Room Found In British Government Building By Decorators
A false bookcase in the British parliament buildings, the Houses of Parliament slid aside to reveal a panelled secret corridor yesterday. To the astonishment of decorators removing books, a well lit passage appeared, leading from the back of the V.I.
Read full storyMan finally admits he let the dogs out
The Baha Men famously asked: "Who let the dogs out?" Now, over a decade after the question was brought forth in the group's hit song, a London, England man has admitted that it was him who released the group's canines. Duncan Morris, a 39 year...
Read full storyAstronaut Badly Burned In Bizarre Porridge Accident
Astronaut Nigel Armstrong was this morning recovering at the serious burns unit in Norwich South Infirmary. After a malfunction caused Armstrong, dubbed "The Man In The Moon", to come down too soon, he inexplicably asked several bystanders the way to...
Read full storyWendy 'Strap-On' Davis Gets a Hard-On For Dildo Sales in Texas
AUSTIN, TX - As the race for governor in the great state of Texas inches closer to a climax on November 4, Wendy Davis claims frontrunner Greg Abbott is waging a war on dildos. Davis thrust the subject into the pubic, er, public spotlight this we...
Read full storyGeorge Clooney to direct and star in movie about heroic Canadian Sargeant-at-Arms who shot dead armed killer
Ottawa, Canada - Newlywed George, 69, is to play former Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer Kevin Vickers, heroic Sergeant-at-Arms gunslinger star of the Canadian Parliament who took out an armed killer today. Clooney, 5'9" and 210lbs, is to pr...
Read full storyPaul McCartney to Re-do Entire Beatles Catalog
London, England Living Beatle legend Sir Paul McCartney announced today that he would start re-doing the Beatles catalog the way he thinks they should have been done and will start releasing them at Christmas each year until "Linda and Rita the Meter...
Read full storyBill Gates Wins Two Lotteries in One Day; Has Yet to Pick Up the $211 Million Dollars
Redmond, Washington Bill Gates, the richest man in the Universe, recently won two lotteries worth a combined $211 million dollars. "Mr. Gates has yet to pick up the money, or even call and make arrangements. It's almost like he doesn't care. Who...
Read full storyHong Kong, U.S. Students At Odds
The hundreds of thousands of demonstrators against the Chinese refusal to allow free presidential elections in Hong Kong have evoked a negative response among U.S. students. Although most of the Hong Cong protestors are students and have much in com...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Adds Petting Zoos to All North Korean Labor Camps
Pyongyang, North Korea North Korean rotund dictator Kim Jong Un, in an effort to make the labor camps more "cheery," has added petting zoos to all of the labor camps located in North Korea. "My father got executed yesterday but I felt much better...
Read full storyDoctors Can Choose To See Only Healthy People Under New Agreement
Following recent reports which incited outrage when it was revealed that doctors were opting out of working unsociable hours, new proposals have been passed that allow them the option of not having to see patients at all. Under the new scheme doct...
Read full storyMan has breakfast, lunch, and dinner at a single restaurant on day trip to quarter-mile area in Barcelona
Barcelona, Spain-An American man named John who characterizes himself as adventurous and outdoorsy chose to eat three meals at a single local restaurant, El Restaurante de Leon, on a day trip to Barcelona on Saturday. In an interview with John, we le...
Read full storyMRI scans reveal 2,500 year old Siberian princess died of acute cannabis deficiency
Siberia, Russia - An ancient Siberian mummy has tested positive for a cute cannabis deficiency. MRI scans reveal it 'dislocated her joints' and blew her skull wide open high up in the Altai Mountains circa BC500. The remains were discovered p...
Read full storyL.A. Bans Cars, Jails Drivers
In an effort to alleviate the worst traffic congestion in the nation, Los Angeles Mayor, Eric CarSeaty, today signed into law a ban on all cars on L.A.'s 400 square miles of freeways and streets. The "no car" law takes effect immediately and violator...
Read full storyCamilla To Play "Dawn" In New 'Dawn, Of The Planet Of The Ape-Women'
Camilla Parker, Duchess of Cornish is to play the title role in Prince Edward's debut movie, "Dawn, of The Planet of The Ape Women", playing a female ape-humanoid creature instead of incumbent Helen-Bonnington-Carter. Prince Edward, who always th...
Read full storyColorado School Board Praises Communist China
Associated Press --The following is an article entitled, "Nothing Wrong With Patriotic Education." "The United States, which advocates democracy and freedom, lays stronger emphasis on patriotic education. A survey conducted in 18 developed countri...
Read full storyHusband hasn't gotten laid since wedding night
A recently married California man reportedly has not gotten laid since his wedding night back in March. The man, who wished to remain anonymous because he still has hopes of one day getting laid again, said his newlywed wife has not seemed the le...
Read full storyCan The United States Just Say No To Ebola?
While the United States prevents members of Al Qaeda, Taliban, ISIL, Boko Haram and Khorasan, as well as British cooking goddess Nigella Lawson, from entering the country, why can't travelers from Ebola stricken nations in West Africa - Nigeria, Sene...
Read full storyChurches and Mosques To Be More Clearly Marked As Drunk Orders Takeaway At Mosque
After a man of Eastern origin yesterday walked into a chapel and ordered fish, chips and a pickled egg, calls to clearly mark places of worship were made in Scunthorpe. Last week two inebriated couples walked into Scunthorpe's Kirk St. Mosque and...
Read full storyShrinking Cult of Scamatology to Offer Incentives to New Members in Membership Drive
East Grinstead, St Hill, West Sussex, England Church of Scamatology dwarf-like leader 'Lil Davey Makemerich made an announcement at the cult's annual fleecing party where all the parishioners that can afford to fly to England at a moment's notice are...
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