Fun facts about cremation

Funny story written by Ray Bellew

Wednesday, 29 October 2014

image for Fun facts about cremation

I'm thinking about getting cremated. Well, not today. I think I'll wait until I'm dead. But here's a little fun fact about cremation: You can have your ashes mailed to a loved one.

I don't think so. My ashes would get lost in the mail and I would have to file a missing ash report. Hold on, Cousin Willie, I know what you're thinking. You would replace the letter h in the word ash with the the letter s and file THAT kind of report.

Here's another fun fact about cremation. If your dog dies, you can have it cremated, and there's a company that will turn the ashes into a diamond. It could cost you up to $15,000 to wear Fido on your finger. However, every time your finger starts wagging, you will know that Fido is thinking of you.

Okay, ready for another fact? I didn't think so, but here we go anyway. If you have a pacemaker, make sure you have somebody take it out before you are cremated. If you don't, you will explode. I think it's the heat. The temp gets up to about 2000 degrees. And yes, it is a dry heat, but you are still going to explode. However, if you are a practical joker, by all means, let your pacemaker do its thing.

One more, and that's it. I promise. The inside of a cremation chamber looks a lot like the inside of a pizza oven. So, if I decide on cremation, just drop me off at the local pizzeria and have the manager send me off with a topping of sausage, mushrooms and pepperoni.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more