A collection of Michael Owen's best tweets

Funny story written by Patrick Parkinson

Friday, 17 October 2014

image for A collection of Michael Owen's best tweets

Since joining Twitter the former football player and now commentator Michael Owen has shared his insights into life. Find below some of the nuggets of interest-

It's Friday night! Think I might treat myself to a glass of water - I deserve it

Good to see out of some of the football matches played today, several of them had winners.

Football on later. Hopefully we'll see plenty of ball kicking activities during the allotted amount of time

Looking forward to the next time I have an excuse to look forward to something

Just went down to Halfords and bought myself curtain rails just in case the need for them ever arises in my lifetime

When will this weekend end? Can't wait to get back to work on Monday #hateweekends

Drive back from BT Sport studio is great, love being left alone with the friendly voices in my head

At dinner party and successfully managed to turn the conversation from politics to my goal against argentina at the World Cup #proudofmyself

Took the kids out to the garden and burnt all of our books. Never really seen the point in reading, waste of time. They should concentrate on their future careers as footballers.

No football on anywhere today so drove to Stoke City's ground and ran onto the empty pitch and played by myself

Merseyside derby ended with both teams on equal amount of goals which I fear can only mean one thing - a draw

Went to BT Sport headquarters to give my monthly bribe to them in order to keep my job as a mundane commentator with nothing interesting to add #naughtyboy

My favourite food? Easy - it's a tie between Chilli, lasagne and chips. Maybe we can settle it with a penalty shoot out

Sold my daughters MP3 player. Don't really get the point in singing. I've probably listened to about 3 songs in my life and got bored after about 30 seconds #hatemusic

Went to visit my friend Jamie today only to find he moved his family to Trinidad & Tobago 2 years ago #embarrassed

Not sure who to pick as man of the match in Manchester derby. Could all 22 players be given the award?

My favourite hobbies? Horses breeding, Paperclip collecting and sitting quietly

If Liverpool lose all of their matches this season then there is a chance they won't be champions

Just tried heroine for the first time. Don't really see the big deal

I think I have a drugs and/or gambling problem #momoneymoproblems

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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