Shop A Celebrity Campaign Offers £10,000 As T.V. Trials Dry Up

Written by Auntie Jean

Saturday, 18 October 2014

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I don't pee in public swimming pools

Major media companies have offered huge inducements to fill the gap left by trial reporting on T.V. as next week sees the end of yet another celebrity ordeal. Rumours of rewards such as £10,000 in Woolworths vouchers and free video hires for a year from The Pirate Bay are apparently being deliberately circulated. The public appears to love a good old fashioned "Witch Hunt" more than just normal news drivel. Flyers have been posted in pubs and through letter boxes throughout the U.K reportedly saying:

Have you personally seen a celebrity shoplifting?

Has a celebrity or a celebrity's relative flashed you from bushes in a public place?

Are you aware of a celebrity posting lewd Titters?

Do you suspect a celebrity of peeing in a public swimming pool.

Do you work in a public library? Have celebrities been borrowing "50 Shades Of Green", "Lady Chatterley's Lover" or any book with dirty bits in it?

If the answer is yes to any of the above questions you could be paid up to £10000s worth of Woolworths or Pirate Bay vouchers anonymously in a brown paper package under a pub table. Call this number now to find out: 11234321.

Calls charged at £40 per second. Calls originate in Nigeria. After 6.00 p.m. calls may be charged but the office will not listen to you as everyone will have gone home.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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