Wendy 'Strap-On' Davis Gets a Hard-On For Dildo Sales in Texas

Written by E. Williams

Saturday, 25 October 2014

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AUSTIN, TX - As the race for governor in the great state of Texas inches closer to a climax on November 4, Wendy Davis claims frontrunner Greg Abbott is waging a war on dildos. Davis thrust the subject into the pubic, er, public spotlight this week when she tweeted about a Texas Observer article pointing out that Abbott was rigidly defending Texas' ban on the sale of sex toys.

Davis' voting bloc are big fans of abortions, free birth control pills, and apparently, fake tools too. If Wendy wins the race for governor, she is vowing to penetrate the Obamacare bill and make sure an addendum is added to supply all Texans with free sex toys.

The Davis campaign has determined that dildos are a big deal to most Texans and they are lubed up and ready to "press the flesh" in order to get out the vote and make sure everybody feels good doing it. Supporters say it might be a little embarrassing to vote for Davis at first but, if they'll just try it, they will find that their inhibitions will fade away and they'll totally get behind her.

The Texas Penis Caucus, Get Bendy With Wendy, Master-Baiter's Tackle Shop, and K-Y Jelly have all jumped on the Davis party train.

Wendy is hoping for a big voter turnout, insisting, "Size does matter and, if we can find the right rhythm and pull out a victory, we're going to tell Abbott and his supporters to 'stick it where the sun don't shine!"

Abortion Barbie's supporters claim in campaign ads that Wendy is "a girl's best friend" and that if they ever need her, she will be so accessible that it will feel as if she is "as close as your nightstand drawer."

Time will tell if Texas decides the sex toy issue is big and hard enough to satisfy Democrats in the state and turn it into a modern Sodom & Gomorrah, or if Abbott will win and the rest of the nation will still respect Texas in the morning.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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