Husband hasn't gotten laid since wedding night

Written by rimisaC

Saturday, 4 October 2014


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

A recently married California man reportedly has not gotten laid since his wedding night back in March.

The man, who wished to remain anonymous because he still has hopes of one day getting laid again, said his newlywed wife has not seemed the least bit interested in his penis since the night of their wedding.

"We haven't been fighting at all since we got married," claimed the man. "The wedding and reception all went great, too. I just flat-out don't understand why we're not having sex."

Although the man hasn't had intercourse with his wife since March, he admitted that not too long ago, his wife allowed him to perform oral sex on her.

"I really thought that was going to finally open the floodgates," he said. "But she actually ended up falling asleep while I was down there."

The man turned to his buddies for advice, but the newly abstinent husband said his friends simply told him, "We told you so."

Additionally, his friends established a little wager on his sexual drought.

"My friends got this bet going," the man explained, "where they're betting on what's going to happen first. Either me getting laid, or it raining in Southern California."

California is currently in a seven-year drought, however, scientists and meteorologists are hoping a strong El Nino this fall will bring much needed rain to the region.

Likewise, the man hopes El Nino will bring him something.

"Maybe, just maybe," he said, "El Nino can help me get laid."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more