New National Sperm Bank "ATM" Machine Proposal

Written by Auntie Jean

Thursday, 30 October 2014

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Milk in a glass yesterday

The new National Sperm Bank in Birmingham is to have "night deposit boxes" and sperm withdrawal A.T.M machines like any other bank, a spokesperson for the N.S.B told our sperm welfare staff this morning.

Nasty letters will be sent out to customers who exceed their overdraft limits and customers will be asked to donate extra sperm if they open deposit sccounts and to leave the deposits to accumulate interest where possible. The ATM donor cubicles will be either situated on the High Street, in supermarkets or in glass partitioned cubicles just inside the sperm bank main doors. No funny business with cashiers will be tolerated and no magazines will be provided.

Susannah Reid is reported to have been asked her permission by the National Sperm Bank to show clips of her crossing and uncrossing her legs on the Breakfast Show to help struggling donors, but she reportedly slapped the bank official's face and told him to ask Bill Turnbull. Mr. Turnbull was rumoured to have put Eammon Holmes's name forward unsuccessfully.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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