Ebola Virus Predicted To Kill Two Million In USA By Christmas

Funny story written by D P Whitehead

Thursday, 2 October 2014

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The deadliest outbreak of Ebola virus on record has sparked fears that the killer virus could kill over 2,000,000 Americans by Christmas.

This shocking prediction came from "Fat Dave", a regular at The Village Well Inn located in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, late Wednesday afternoon.

The outbreak which began with just a handful of cases in Guinea in March will, according to 'Fat Dave', have wiped out 75% of the World's population by June 2015, leaving the planet 'a barren wasteland; like in Mad Max, with everyone who survives looking like members of the fucking Village People'.

Doug says 'drastic action is needed' to contain Ebola, warning that previously undetected chains of transmission are boosting the numbers of sick and increasing the chances that the disease will "kill you all, you mother fuckers especially," referring to a group of men at the far end of the bar, trying to ignore Doug's rantings as well as his body odor.

"This epidemic is going to be the end of us all, millions will die, mark my words, its going to spread quicker than a hooker's legs," said Doug, just before he vomited and collapsed into a sniveling heap on the floor.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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