Monsanto Seeks to Genetically Modify Food Labeling Laws

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Tuesday, 28 October 2014


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If food giant Monsanto has its way, GMO labeling laws, like most American corn, will soon be genetically modified.

Food industry giant Monsanto has announced that it will seek to genetically modify proposed food labeling laws so as to make them better able to withstand the powerful Monsanto-produced insecticide Roundup.

In recent years, Monsanto has expended great energy and expense to thwart the enactment of labeling laws requiring food manufacturers to specify whether a food contains genetically modified organisms or "GMOs." In its efforts to block GMO labeling laws, Monsanto has made use of traditional lobbying methods and advertising campaigns. As consumer demand for GMO labeling has continued to increase, however, Monsanto has turned to less traditional means, including the use of Roundup to exterminate budding GMO labeling laws at their inception.

Stated Monsanto Chief Executive Officer Hugh Grant, "Consumers have clearly expressed a desire for strong, resilient food labeling laws. If they want GMO labeling legislation to survive, the laws must be genetically modified to make them resistant to commonly used pesticides."

Monsanto currently holds an exclusive government contract for the production and sale of Roundup and other legislation-protective pesticides.

CEO Grant added that in the unlikely event that any GMO labeling laws are enacted despite Monsanto's efforts to suppress them, the laws, as enacted in the United States Code, will not contain any record of the law's genetic modification.

"There's no GMO law-labeling law," noted Grant. "And if we at Monsanto have anything to say about it - which we do - there never will be."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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