There were 184 spoof news stories published in May 2015. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Princess Charlotte Is Already Tweeting!
Yep, you read that right. She started at four days old and there's no stopping her. Here's a sample of her tweets: -- Slept through homecoming from the hospital. I was bored. -- Hate my plain knitted cap. Fit for a peasant. Would it have kil...
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Airbag giant explodes with ideas to repurpose its rejects
Tokyo - The largest recall in automotive history has left auto-parts fabricator Takata holding the bag… Or more specifically holding 34 million defective airbags. Problem is, the devices have a tendency to go off like bombs, whenever the weath...
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IBM sells itself to self
From the moment the bell rang, the stock market went bananas. For days it had been rumored that IBM was up to something. For the entire week the stock reflected unusual activity. The volume had increased from its usual daily volume of 12 million to 1...
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Man Walking Dog In Woods Doesn't Find Murder Victim
A man walking his dog in a wooded area near Evesham has told friends how, despite expecting to any minute, he didn't find a mutilated corpse, the victim of some gruesome revenge killing or spontaneous, frenzied 'rape-gone-wrong'. The man, Ernest N...
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Police officer sues Starbucks for million dollars. Gained 300 pounds on free doughnuts!
The Raleigh News & Observer is reporting this morning that a Raleigh police officer is suing Starbucks for one million dollars. His lawsuit states that he gained over three hundred pounds in three years from free donuts he had been given at the...
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Tom Cruise Tells North Dakota High School Class "You Can Do It!"
Shit City, North Dakota - Celebrity Tom Cruise likes to give back. Having given millions of dollars to homeless men and women throughout Canada and New Zealand, the actor says he now wishes to "deign to condescend to backwoods hicks" and has schedul...
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Rory Breaks Up With Hampster, Wins Twice!
Charlotte, NC - It seems to any keen golf fan that World #1 golfer, Rory McIlroy, plays best after he has parted ways in a relationship. Last year, after kicking his fiancee, Woz, to the curb, he immediately won two big tournaments. Now, according to...
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Sidibe/Curry Rom-Com Pulled from Theaters
For the first time in showbiz history a motion picture has been pulled from screens across the U.S. due to it's disastrous economy wrecking title. The romantic comedy, starring Gabourey Sidibe and Tim Curry, was about a May/December romance that b...
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SouthWest Airline's New "Pass The Bottle" Policy
Phoenix, AZ - Gas prices are on the rise once again, and once again this means that our nation's airlines are busy coming up with sneaky new tactics to gouge a few more dollars out of the old bottom line. This week, SouthWest Airlines announced it's...
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Technological home breakthrough
Havvanna Stairlifts have just announced their latest innovation for the modern home with elderly relatives living in. A built in commode for the stairlift to save those poor old crumblies the inconvenience of going to the bathroom and pissing all ove...
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Tom Brady Only Semi Deflated After Suspension
Boston, MA - In the wake of the on going Deflate-Gate football nonsense investigation that has been gripping all of America for many months now, Tom Brady was handed, what most in the sporting world see, as a rather harsh penalty, a four game sus...
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Rapper .50 cent Lowers His Price For Walmart Ad
Los Angeles, CA - Rapper .50 cent has apparently completed terms on a contract with retail giant Walmart, in an agreement to cross-market one and others brands. The Walmart folks want America to know that there is nothing that they can't cut the pric...
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The final word on Deflate-gate
Editor's note: On Saturday, May 24, Patriots coach Bill Belichick conducted a press conference to provide the final word on the ball-inflation investigation. The full transcript as provided by the team appears below. BB: I want to take this opport...
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Plymouth beggar banned from discussing the weather
An aggressive beggar who is believed to have targeted disabled and elderly people has been banned from talking to strangers about the weather. Anthony Fox had even led his victims to discuss more technical weather-related subjects such as the leve...
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Candidate Sanders picks Colonel Sanders for VEEP slot
Burlington, Vermont -- Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has selected deceased fast food mogul Col. Harlan David Sanders as his vice presidential running mate. Asked to describe the "flavor" of their campaign, Col. Sanders said: "It...
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Police arrest man who failed to use knife and fork in Didsbury restaurant
Staff and diners were left disgusted when a man eating at a restaurant blatantly refused to use his knife and fork and ate with his fingers. The 52-year-old was eating a margherita pizza at Zizzi's restaurant in Didsbury, Manchester at 1pm today.
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A science experiment in Boston: Three stories of trash and half a $5 bill encased in ice remain as Old Man Winter heads south for a while
BOSTON, Mass. - Remember that horrible Boston winter that had a blizzard effect all over the cable news networks? Well it's still around. It's not snowing on the East Coast now that Memorial Day has come and gone, but the remnants of last winter stan...
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Tracy Morgan settles suit with Walmart
Today Tracy Morgan, famed comedian and star of many funny programs, settled his automobile head-trauma case with not-so-funny Walmart. The terms of the settlement were confidential, but for a price, (undisclosed,) we were able to determine the gen...
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Man jailed for not eating a chocolate bar quickly enough
A former council worker who did not eat a chocolate bar quickly enough on a very hot day, leaving it completely melted, has been jailed for 11 years. Under the extended sentence for chocolate product protection, Joey Smith will have to serve two-t...
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'New species' of ancient human found
A new species of ancient human has been unearthed in the Afar region of Ethiopia, scientists report. Researchers discovered jaw bones and teeth, which date to between 3.3m and 3.5m years old.The teeth showed signs of violent clenching and grinding...
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Manchester United star Ashley Young banned from shopping for six months for speeding in supermarket aisle
Manchester United star Ashley Young has been banned from shopping for six months for speeding in a supermarket aisle. The 28-year-old England international admitted to pushing his trolley at 5mph on a 3mph section of Aisle 8 at the Tesco on Parrs...
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Anonymous Hacks Autocorrect, Changes Every Fourth Word To Pizza
The cyber watchdog group Anonymous just issued a statement claiming responsibility for the latest internet attack that has journalists, bloggers, texting addicts and people searching for cat videos all over the world shaking their fists in frustratio...
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Office workers to face corporal punishment when they misbehave
- IFL Group, an Internet marketing agency in Aberdeen brought in the system - Punishment is used on 'a minority' of workers with low productivity or who misbehave - Bosses smacking their employees will 'encourage other workers to work harder'...
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Political Cartoonist Purchases Famous Internet Image Board
A renowned political cartoonist has recently purchased a famous internet image board known for its dark humor and political incorrectness. The political cartoonist has had hard times with their career as a political cartoonist due to the lack of...
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50,000 dope dealers 'including drone pot delivery service' following Obama's @POTus tweets
Washington DC - East Coast pot entrepreneurs Bong-U-Like were one of the first to retweet Barack Obama's inaugural message from the newly launched @POTus account. The drone pot delivery service operates a major concession in DC with the President...
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10 year old girl arrested after drawing hopscotch grid on the pavement outside her home
* Danielle Blackburn was arrested by police for drawing on the pavement outside her home in Kent * Father, Mick Blackburn, fully supports police over the arrest A schoolgirl was arrested by police for drawing a hopscotch grid on the pavement,...
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Untidy School Kids are new Young Entrepreneurs
Teen Students who leave litter in School Canteens and on the street, are the new creators of employment. 'We need these brilliant young people', say Business Gurus. By discarding their packaging and other filth, they are ensuring future employment...
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Obama orders military to battle global warming
Top pentagon officials were quick to react in the wake of President Obama's recent proclamation to graduates of a military academy that "climate change" is a top "threat to "global security" and that military leaders who don't take appropriate action...
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Murderer Kevin Williams walks out of prison in Eastchurch on Sheppey, Kent
A convicted murderer walked out of an open prison by "asking the prison guards nicely to open the gate" and went to stay with a friend, a court heard. Police tracked down Kevin Williams at flats in Sheerness and instead of going back to Standford...
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World Naked Bike Ride
Police were forced to intervene in the naked cycling event in Canterbury - after reports one of the riders got 'overexcited'. The 'aroused' cyclist was pulled aside and put his jeans back on before being spoken to by officers. Superintendant Ro...
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Boyfriend knows girlfriend is exactly one glass of wine away from falling asleep on couch
Charlie Barlow reported with confidence on Saturday night that his girlfriend Stacey Cunnings was just one glass of wine away from passing out on the couch and leaving him in peace to go on his laptop the rest of the night and have some "me" time.
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"Exhausted" Manu Ginobili Returning To Nazi War Criminal Compound In Argentina To Contemplate Basketball Future
Los Angeles, CA - A subdued Manu Ginobli has a lot to think about following the San Antonio Spurs heartbreaking game 7 loss to the Los Angeles Clippers in a hard fought first round series that many think featured championship caliber play. Ginobli s...
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Scientists Unveil Fartiest Galaxy
NASA Scientists unveiled detailed photos of the fartiest galaxy in the known universe.The Odor Difourus Gallaxy,located behind the belt of the Orion Constellation, which is now making it's decent in the summer sky of the Northern Hemisphere, is well...
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Teenager went for drunken night out in Oldham... and woke up in a crater on the moon
* Sam Barry was getting a cab home when he decided to go to the moon * Booked flight from phone and woke up at South Pole-Aitken basin, the capital crater of the moon * 19-year-old said he won't use passport as ID when he goes clubbing again...
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Hope Stupidly Springs Eternal for Struggling New Yorkers
According to recent polls, over 70 percent of New York City residents remain ridiculously optimistic about their futures despite overwhelming indications that nothing in their personal or professional lives will ever change for the better, thereby pr...
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God has resigned
In a shock announcement this morning God announced his resignation over the outcome of the UK General Election in which David Cameron was reelected with an overall majority. An angel appeared in our offices this morning with the announcement, whe...
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Pro Golfer Erik Compton Gets A Quick Liver Switch
Dallas, TX - Our man, Chip Fairway, is out on the long lonely pro golf trail, where it's Texas Swing time on the PGA Tour. Along the way, he has uncovered the tale of a man who has seen some adversity on his way to becoming a pro golf journey man. Er...
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Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Called in to Ward Off Government Invasion of Texas
DALLAS, TX--Gov. Greg Abbott, fearing an invasion by the federal government this week, called in the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders to ward off what many in the Loon Star State believe is an invasion designed to take over Texas and force all of its unins...
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GQ Poll Shows Women Find Karate Stance Most Sexy
Washington, DC - a recent study of 3000 women around the globe, found that nearly three quarters of them found men to be sexiest when standing in a thai-chi, karate stance, regardless of ethnicity. This peeked our sexual curiosity around the offic...
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Liberation Of Tibet Imminent - Dalai Lama ecstatically states that Tibet will once again be his and celebrates with the buying of surfs!
The Dalai who is quickly approaching his eightieth birthday has said recently "This will be the year!" referring the end of Tibetan struggle with China being aligned with his eightieth birthday. A well-established fact amongst most of the Dalai Lama'...
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Wile E. Coyote Names ACME And Road Runner In Personal Injury Lawsuit
BILLINGSGATE POST: Wile E. Coyote filed charges against ACME Corporation and the Road Runner in the Los Angeles District Court this morning. Represented by Attorney to the Stars, Gloria Pinchmouth, Coyote alleges that ACME Corporation and the Road...
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Jobless father who blew benefits on sausage rolls banned from every Greggs bakery on 13-mile stretch of coast
A feckless father has been banned from every single Greggs along an entire 13 mile stretch of coastland after going on a six year sausage roll addiction funded by state handouts. Jobless Mervin Gardener, 25, terrorised police, supermarket security...
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United Arab Emirates national flag on 100ft flagpole discovered on NASA's Mars pics
Arabian Gulf - There were huge grins all round at the Al Mushrif Presidential Palace in Abu Dhabi this weekend as NASA released images of the red planet's Aeolis Mons district showing the UAE national flag flying atop a 100ft pole. "Of course thi...
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Endangered species no longer endangered
It has been "leaked" from Dr. Phineas Provolone, Chair of the Ornithology Section of the Smithsonian, and will appear in tomorrow's "Bird and Cuckoo Digest," that an endangered bird specie is no longer endangered. The leaked information is in the...
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Google Becomes Main Source Of Knowledge In Universe; God Steps Down.
Accumulating a huge mass of knowledge in its 17 years of existence, the Internet giant Google has officially made itself the greatest source of knowledge in the entire universe, surpassing even that of Douglas Adam's giant planet computer in Hitchhik...
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'Heartless' thief steals Disability Scooter
A heartless thief broke into the property of locally named Spack McCrackin, in Cradley Heath, West Midlands, and 'fled' on the £2,000 machine. Det Con Stirling Moss said: "This is a very upsetting case as one person's thoughtless crime as left the...
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Don't masturbate or your hand will get pregnant
Men who masturbate have been given a dire warning by a Muslim televangelist who claimed live on TV that they will find their hands PREGNANT in the afterlife. Mucahid Cihad Han made the bizarre statement in a question and answer session on a radica...
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Climate changing denier deny deniers
In a startling turn about "Slick" Jim Mason, CEO of Exxon announced that he has seen the light and is reversing his opinion on climate change. "I think," Mason said, "fossil fuels does cause global warmin' and climate change." Jim took off his cow...
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Robber, Bill Reid, robbed bank with can of Coke
A Ramsgate man robbed a bank two days before Christmas and escaped with a large amount of money. Bill Reid armed himself with a can of Coca Cola and held up a security guard delivering cash and Coke cans to a Nat West Bank in the town. But when...
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Apple to Unveil iPen
CUPERTINO, CA - Apple announced this afternoon that it will release the iPen in June. Tim Cook, Apple CEO, told The Spoof that the new iPen will be revolutionary. It will feature sustainable technology and a unique method of putting words onto pap...
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Italian Navy Tows Jay Z and Beyonce's Yacht To Port For Smuggling Refugees.
Italy (the toe part) - The Italian Navy towed a gleaming white mega-yacht into port, allegedly belonging to rap mogul Jay Z and Pop Star wife Beyonce, for allegedly trying to smuggle more than fifty refugees into Europe, authorities say. But, Jay...
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Lady Gaga Rips Out Tony Bennett's Rotator Cuff
New York, NY - Crooner Icon, Tony Bennett, had to undergo emergency rotator cuff surgery on his right shoulder this week, and reps for the 89-year-old singer are squarely blaming new sidekick, Lady Gaga, for the debilitating ailment. The two singers...
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Clinton challenges Bernie Sanders to a duel
It is official. Rumored for weeks, leaked by Clinton's headquarters, it's the challenge we've all waited for: Clinton Vs Saunders. A good old fashioned duel. Parnell Crawford went on TV and at 8.00 PM announced that Clinton has thrown down the gau...
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Hull Housewives Getting Jittery Over Tigers' Relegation Tussle
The end of yet another English Premier League season is upon us, and even though the title race has been decided, there are still relegation issues to be settled. In amongst these are Hull City, whose fans, although still believing in their team's ab...
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George Stephanopoulos Admits To Having Paid 75 Large For Collection Of Hillary Pantsuits
BILLINGSGATE POST: Beleaguered George Stephanopoulos of ABC News admitted to MSNBC's "Out-of-the closet-and-in-your-face" Rachel Maddow, that he did, indeed, have a collection of Hillary Clinton pantsuits that stretch back at least 20 years. Desc...
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If men had periods
According to recent research, if men had periods they would brag about them on Facebook, Sports Commentators would incorporate menstrual impact on a Footballer's performance, and bookmakers would factor a player's menstrual cycle into their betting...
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The secret campaign slogan that Obama is trying to gift Hillary Clinton
Obama now says that he was misquoted by the media during the last election campaign and that his words were taken out of context. Obama claims that what all of this shows is the harmful effect on journalism that the cuts and downsizing at large Ameri...
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Brad Pitt casts Leonardo DiCaprio as attorney Randy Mastro in blockbuster Chevron movie
Hollywood, California - "Except that Randy's way better looking," Mrs Mastro tweeted this evening as the news of Brad Pitt hiring Leonardo DiCaprio sent the price of crude rocketing another $57 a barrel. The Wolf of Wall Street actor will star as...
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Ted Cruz Blocked On Facebook By His Own Mother
Texas Senator and presidential hopeful Ted Cruz (R), in an emotional interview with Fox News pundit Bill O'Reilly, revealed that his own mother recently blocked him on Facebook. This unprecedented act of maternal indifference comes at a very str...
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Ayn Rand Zoo Opens, Closes, on the Same Day
IRVINE, CA--The new Ayn Rand Zoo, located in the same city that houses the Ayn Rand Institute and funded solely by private donors like Sheldon Adelson and Koch Industries, opened--and closed--last Wednesday in what Objectivist philosopher Leonard Pe...
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California Teen joins with Native Americans Nations to Start Non-Profit: Dance the Drought Away
At first blush Marlaina Lloyd looks like your average 8th grader from Southern California. However, this 13 year old Californian decided enough wasn't being done in the face of the serious water shortage and drought in California. The State Water...
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Blatter For West Ham
Troubled Fifa President, Sepp Blatter, is to become West Ham's new manager next season, replacing Sam Allardyce. This astonishing news has rocked the West Ham faithful who fear the inspiration of Allardyce's 0-0 draws and losing in the last minut...
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Isle of Wight Independence Party promises referendum following election
In a shocking addendum to their manifesto released last week, the Isle of Wight Independence Party (IWIP) has promised the island's residents a referendum on the subject of independence if they are successful in next weeks election. 'If Independen...
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Florida college promises No More Genital Probes
Orlando, Florida - Some dirty old men at an Orlando college have been slapped with a multi-million dollar lawsuit for running a diagnostic sonography program on students' vaginas. Women studying at the Orlando Vulva Academy had been told their A-...
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Things that you knew you didn't want to know about Saudi Arabia.
In Saudi Arabia, the society is segregated so that boys and girls never meet each other. Over there, any guy who's ever had a girlfriend in his life is called a womanizer. Over there, when a guy kisses a girl, they call it rough sex. There is a public service announcement running on TV over there telling people not to kiss each other and that if they absolutely must, that the woman should be...
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Shopkeeper's pocket tissues stolen by thieves
A shopkeeper who fell victim to a distraction theft says he has been overwhelmed with well wishes. A man entered the Bookshop in East Grinstead, West Sussex and asked for a cup of tea, before reaching into the shopkeeper's pockets and stealing his...
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NSA Requests Americans Limit Length of All Calls And Text Messages
In a recent press release, NSA Director Michael S. Rogers requested that all Americans abide by the agency's proposed limits for all phone calls and text messages. The guidelines set forth by the NSA include, among other things, a maximum length o...
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Costs-Benefits Luncheon on Capitol Hill... Obama.
Yesterday, President Obama looking resplendent in tux and bow delivered the following address to a select group of financial experts, bankers and Congressmen at a luncheon held at Capitol Hill Washington. Here is part of his address. "Seven thous...
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2015 Election SHOCK result!
I've just come back in my time machine from 8th with the election result: After a hung parliament Labour bashed out a deal with UKIP. With this new government UKIP will claim victory with Britain's independence from the European Union's 'tyranny'...
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10 Signs Your Boyfriend is Cheating
1. You hear him laughing with his mates and when you turn around they are all staring at you with a smile on their faces. 2. He no longer looks into your eyes or asks your advice about anything. 3. When you try to kiss him he sniggers; and when you ask him what he is sniggering at he says: "Oh, something just popped into my head." 4. He no longer wants to dine at your "favourite" restaurant. 5...
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ISIS Claims to Have Dozens of Potty-Trained Terrorist In US
ISIS has announced that there are dozens of potty trained terrorists living secret lives within the United States, waiting for word from above to strike terror into the hearts of diaper company executives everywhere. The revelation comes on the h...
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Electoral Commission Achieves Perfect Entropy
Entropy is the tendency of all thermodynamic processes to end in a steady state of perfect disorder wherein no useful work can be accomplished. All matter will eventually be evenly dispersed at a temperature of about 4 degrees above absolute zero, bu...
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Fasc' Factor: Mike Read's BNP/Nick Minaj Comeback Medley
The thing about the greatest performing artists of all is that they never, EVER gave up. Regardless of practical setbacks, ridicule and open hostility, figures of the calibre of Ravi Shankar, Beethoven, Mick Jagger, the singers of "Moves like Jagger," Rihanna… Not to mention respected (sorry, respectable… no I mean, petty-bourgeois) protest guitarist Tony Blair… These have all consistentl...
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Tea Party All-Stars to Negotiate Merger with ISIS Following 'Beheading Obama' Pic Posted
Twenty minutes of Photoshop has caused the two greatest terrorist organizations in the world to come together to destroy democracy. Thanks, Adobe. On Saturday, a supporter of ISIS (Islamic State of Iraq and Syria) released a graphic photo of Presi...
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Road Runner Clones Join ISIS: ACME Forces Drop Anvils Upon Hearing "BEEP! BEEP!"
BILLINGSGATE POST: Like Homer's Sirens, who lured Odysseus with their beautiful voices of doom as he sailed off the rocks of Scylla, the "BEEP! BEEP!" emanating from the Road Runner is now piercing the morning solitude from minarets in Ramadi, luring...
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Road reopens after Asda receipt is found on M2 near Sittingbourne
A section of the M2 has reopened - more than eight hours after an Asda receipt was found near a slip road. Highways Agency experts say the receipt has now been removed from near the exit slip road at Junction 5 of the M2 coastbound carriageway for...
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Tony Blair resigns as Middle East peace envoy
The former Labour prime minister was appointed as one of a Quartet of powerbrokers to represent the United States of America, United Nations, Russia and the European Union in the Middle East after leaving Downing Street in 2007. Amid a constant ho...
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Magu, The Jumping YouTube Cat, Accidentally Returned To Box Store
Tokyo, Japan - Well, it finally happened - Magu, the lovable fluffy cat that loves to jump into any box he can find for his Youtube audience, was finally returned to a box store by accident on Friday. "I had just bought a new vacuum cleaner," expl...
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Bernie Sanders - "American Needs To Look A Lot More Like Socialist Scandinavia"
Washington DC - Speaking with This Week host George Stephanapoulos, Bernie Sanders proudly admitted to being a Democratic Socialist and said he wants America to be more like Scandinavia. "We need more fjords," he said. "We have all kinds of wi...
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Linwood Mcgill jailed for knife attack on friend Marmaduke Bunker because he "refused to share his Malteasers"
A drug-crazed man from Folkestone who launched an "unprovoked, frenzied and violent" attack with a knife has today been jailed for 15 years. Linwood Mcgill, 28, stabbed friend Marmaduke Bunker four times in a flat in Cheriton Road in August last y...
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Criminal sues police over unflattering photo-fit
Career criminal, Ashley Frat, 27, has reportedly been awarded a considerable out of court settlement following his recent legal action against the Metropolitan Police. Mr Frat was convicted earlier this month for aggravated burglary following a ra...
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Baltimore Homeless Dealt With During Curfew
Baltimore, MD - During the recent Baltimore riots, the many homeless people living on the streets were also forced to comply with the city's overnight curfew, which lead to some very strange scenes in the down-trodden city. "They duct-taped me to...
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New Religion Unbelievable
Discovered outside a small home in Brooklyn, New York, were 2 men and 1 woman watching their home burning to the ground. A reporter from the Brooklyn Tribune noticed these people were strange looking,and one looked emaciated and was n...
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Mexican Demon 'Charlie' not a Twitter user
People around the world are trying to summon a "Mexican demon" named Charlie, using pencils and a bit of paper. This follows a Twitter explosion, #CharlieCharlieChallenge, where readers are encouraged to summon the demon to answer their questions,...
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Blatter wins again
Sepp Blatter, Non-Stick-Coated CEO of FIFA, has been re-elected despite not winning a two-thirds majority against Jordan's Prince Ali bin al-Hussein, who withdrew after the first round of voting. Furious that allegations of corruption were also la...
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Hillary Clinton Goes In Search Of "The Little People"
Hillary Clinton set out on foot across Iowa yesterday from her Des Moine Hotel. Her goal: Find the little people everyone always talks about. "Well you don't know how people are until you actually meet them and I'm not going to step on those littl...
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Officer workers to stage strike in Plymouth in protest against water cooler restrictions
Angry office workers from Forresters Business Park are set to go on strike this Friday in protest at restricted water cooler usage at their building. The one-day strike on March 8 is the first of a programme of action by the Public and Commercial...
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ISIS claims responsibility for your spilled milk this morning
Militant Islamist group, ISIS released a statement this morning claiming responsibility for acts that will certainly interrupt your daily routine. "We will strike you when you least expect it, when you are most vulnerable, when you are still rubbi...
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How Unemployment Really Works
Derek in Accounts Payable was an excitable type, but only to a certain extent. When he rounded the corner to speak to Jason, his boss, colleague and friend he was more excited than normal. The fact that he kept his voice low to avoid others hearing was indicative that it was also something serious. "I've got it Jason! It just came out of the blue and punched me in the eye!" "What is i...
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OMFG! Shaikh of Araby's swear box secrets freak out Hillary Clinton
The Gulf - An eminent Arabian head of state who fined visitng dignitaries for profane language is making America's former Cursed Lady squirm. Shaikh Ratel Anrol, head of the powerful House of Swords, secretly installed a Sharia-compliant swear box...
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What the Hell are the Royals Doing in New Zealand of All Places?
In order to answer this simple question our magazine "Conned Weekly" contacted Lord Hiram Abiff Cook of the British Foreign Office London who candidly answered unaware that we had recorded the conversation. Here is what he said: Well, old sport...
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Kelly Carlin Revises George Carlin's List of Words You Can't Say on TV
DAYTON, OH - George Carlin's only daughter, Kelly Carlin, has updated her father's famous list of the "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television". The first list that George Carlin made was presented in his 1972 monologue "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television". The words are: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. Kelly Carlin's revised list includes 42 words yo...
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President Enlists Superfriends to Fight ISIL
President Obama stated today that he would engage the help of "all the Superfriends" to fight the growing threat from ISIL in the next few years. "Yes, we'll have Superman, Batman and Robin, Wonderwoman, or Wonderperson appreciated regardless...
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Baltimore Cops Use Flash Mob Tactics
Baltimore, MD - In a sneaky and cunning display of police tactical maneuvers, the Baltimore Police Department have implemented new and creative ways to round up would-be rioters. Several dozen officers were dressed up and placed around the downtown a...
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Judge Rules That Wile E. Coyote Can Use Predator Drone To Attack Road Runner
BILLINGSGATE POST: In a preliminary hearing, Judge Amos Whitaker ruled that Wile E. Coyote be allowed to use an unmanned aerial vehicle (UAV) to attack Road Runner. Despite arguments by Road Runner that this would give Coyote an unfair advantage an...
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Dudley Council to clamp down on irresponsible dog-owners
Residents of Dudley, in the West Midlands, have become so enraged with irresponsible dog owners who allow their pets to foul in public places and then fail to clear up their mess, that they have demanded that the local council take drastic action.
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GoFondleMe pulls funraising blog following troll purge
Cyberspace - The GoFondleMe website has cracked down hard on suspected pimps who flamed troll wars on its funraising blog. Citing outbursts of chemically-induced bigotry by fundamental nutjobs the site closed down its interactive forum and outed...
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UK Eurovision entry bids to become first song to score minus points
With only a day to go until the final, UK entry Evacuated Bowel say that they want to go one better than the last few dismal efforts and actually register a negative score. Their song, 'I Want Your Ear Wax All Over Me', is an up-beat reggae song that...
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Apple Watch Time Lords launch Emergency Medical Hologram app
Cupertino, Ca - A holographic doctor first seen on Star Trek Voyager is channeling great gastro-intestinal advice at the flick of a wrist. It's the first time that engineers have managed to craft the hologram program into an Apple Watch app turnin...
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U.S. Finally Hears Of British Elections
New York, NY - Yes, even here in this busy epicenter of the universe, as happens every few years or so, (or how ever you people do it over there,) New Yorkers collectively learn that Britain, otherwise known as England, is currently holding elect...
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