Man jailed for not eating a chocolate bar quickly enough

Written by Jack Bromby

Sunday, 31 May 2015


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A former council worker who did not eat a chocolate bar quickly enough on a very hot day, leaving it completely melted, has been jailed for 11 years.

Under the extended sentence for chocolate product protection, Joey Smith will have to serve two-thirds of the term before his release is considered and he will be on licence for a further four years.

A judge told the 46-year-old Maidstone council worker the chocolate bar, which he did not eat quickly enough, was wasted. Due to food shortages in the UK wasting food is an extremely serious crime.

It was so badly melted that it did not even look like a chocolate bar anymore, it just looked like dog stool according to one witness who did not want to be named.

The Cadburys Dairy Milk bar had melted in July when temperatures in Kent reached over 28°C. Once Smith had discovered this he discarded the bar on the street which was spotted by members of the public including small children who were mentally scarred by the mess.

Police officers were called to Tovil Road, Maidstone where they found the bar melted on the ground and the packet lying nearby.

The bar had melted so much most of it had turned to liquid and was drying into the asphalt, Maidstone Crown Court heard.

Smith, of Holborough Road, Snodland, submitted a guilty plea to causing suffering to a chocolate bar, wasting an article of food and littering. All three were accepted. He also admitted breaching a chocolate product restraining order.

Prosecutor Martin Yale said the former council worker was a chocolate lover and was "obsessed with chocolate in the way that 14 year old girls are obsessed with Justin Bieber."

"He had his bedroom covered with posters of Malteasers, Terry's Chocolate Orange and Dairy Milk," he said. "The bottom right hand drawer of the fridge inside his Snodland home was filled with just chocolate."

In February last year, he was cautioned for eating chocolate too quickly and not savouring the flavour.

Six months later he came under fire again, this time for throwing a chocolate bar too aggressively into his fridge in anger after he had an argument with his girlfriend over expensive telephone bills from him calling sex lines. For this offence he was given a suspended prison sentence for assault of a food article.

A chocolate products restraining order was imposed, to remain in force until December 2012.

In July 2013 he was out in Maidstone and decided to purchase a chocolate bar, it was a hot day and temperatures reached 29°C. Once in possession of the chocolate bar he started to eat it slowly and due to the hot weather, the chocolate bar unfortunately melted.

At that point he decided to commit a further offence of littering by discarding the bar onto the street which caused members of the public to witness the melted chocolate bar.

Judge Kevin Young told Smith: "You caused horrific and life-changing mental scars to young children who had not seen a melted chocolate bar before. Children love chocolate bars in the same way men love masturbation, therefore to see a melted chocolate bar would understandably cause them stress."

Philip Sinclair, defending, said it was clearly an extremely unpleasant, accidental mishap on a vulnerable chocolate bar.

Smith was deeply ashamed of himself being a chocolate lover himself and did not want any mitigation about the circumstances put forward, he said.

Mr Sinclair added: "He is aware he will be sent into prison for a considerable time in view of his appalling behaviour. He knows next time to eat chocolate more quickly or avoid it completely in hot weather."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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