Written by Stevey G.

Friday, 1 May 2015

image for Isle of Wight Independence Party promises referendum following election
Isle of Wight hoping for a big turnout

In a shocking addendum to their manifesto released last week, the Isle of Wight Independence Party (IWIP) has promised the island's residents a referendum on the subject of independence if they are successful in next weeks election.

'If Independence is good enough for Scotland then it's good enough for the Isle of Wight.' said IWIP candidate Bernard Bumstead, 51.

'Many residents believe that we would be better off without the continuing interference of Westminster,' he continued. 'We want to be able to have our own Parliament and set our own statutes.'

Albert Truckle, 67 from Ryde is a recent convert to IWIP. 'I think a lot of what they say makes sense.' he said. 'I want to return to the old-days when we islander's were in control and made the rules. If we want to burn the odd witch or two on All Hallows, why shouldn't we? Why should those MP's at Westminster make the rules when they've never set foot on the island?'

Enid Spittle, 59, was also intending to vote IWIP on election day.

'I'm very much in favour of their policy on immigration.' she said. 'The island just can't take any more immigrants from the mainland, coming here looking for peace and quiet and great views of the Solent.'

Whilst many are dubious of IWIP's immigration policy and the possible negative effect on tourism, 80% of those polled were generally in favour of the proposal contained within the manifesto which was to 'Tar and Feather the bastards and stick them back on the ferry.'

IWIP remain silent on the question of Europe and whether application will be made to continue using Sterling or to enter the Eurozone.

Many islanders remain keen to return to an economy without cash, reverting to bartering and trading with shells, shiny stones and vials of different coloured sand.

IWIP acknowledge that the question of independence could swing on the economic argument. Could the Isle of Wight be self financing without cash from Westminster?

Bernard Bumstead has no doubts on that score. 'I have no doubts on that score.' he confirmed. 'The island has a very strong tourist industry. We could probably string out Cowes Week to a fortnight or more and the Garlic Festival brings in a pretty penny.'

And when the tourist season comes to an end?

'Ah well, then we revert to what our ancestors did.' he continued. 'We'll smuggle a bit of contraband in from France and Holland and we'll raid the mainland for slaves and plunder'.

Lymington, lock up your daughters!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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