A man walking his dog in a wooded area near Evesham has told friends how, despite expecting to any minute, he didn't find a mutilated corpse, the victim of some gruesome revenge killing or spontaneous, frenzied 'rape-gone-wrong'.
The man, Ernest Nutkins, was walking his family's pet dog, Alphonse - a Golden Retriever - at dinnertime on Saturday, and, as the mutt ran off to rummage about in a particularly overgrown area, Nutkins feared the worst.
He said:
"I've read Whitehead's report. All the signs were there. Alphonse looked for all the world like he had found something, and it was odds-on it was going to be the rotting remains of some poor, defenceless young nymph who had got in the way of a freakish nutter. Either that, or the victim of a brutal Mafia-style hit, where the body has been riddled with bullets, and there is totally no face left. I approached as quiet as a mouse, almost too scared to look, but when I reached him, he was just having a shit," adding, "I'm pleased to say."
Police are not investigating.
