IBM sells itself to self

Written by Martin Jaeger

Tuesday, 26 May 2015

From the moment the bell rang, the stock market went bananas. For days it had been rumored that IBM was up to something. For the entire week the stock reflected unusual activity. The volume had increased from its usual daily volume of 12 million to 112,000,000 shares on Wednesday of last week, and Monday of this week.

Chart analyst, Wedmere Nahim, pointed to several impressive chart patterns.

"I see a double loop, here," he said, pointing to a double loop on IBM's chart. "And a reverse-reverse signaling manipulating by insiders.

"There," he continued, "is a gap followed by a returning gap, signifying uncertainty." Then he pondered for a moment. "And over her is the formation of a 'double head and flag' phenomenon.

"Can," I said, "you tell what this means?"

"No," he replied shaking his head up and down, and side to side, until his face flushed pink. "But it keeps me busy and out of trouble." He gave a little laugh.

I decided to turn to IBM's own Manny Crane, head of investor's services.

"Manny," I said, "what's the word?"

"Everyone is buying everyone, and we've been left out." His voice cracked. "AT&T is buying Direct TV. Charter is buying Time Warner. Who want's us? No one."

"I," I said, "can see why that is troubling. Rejection, and all of that."

"Yeah," he said. "So the big boys upstairs said enough is enough. No one bypasses 'Big Blue' and gets away with it."

"How much are you paying for yourself?"

"Well, Claude," he said, "that's confidential, but I can tell you its a lot of money. Probaly in the hundred's of billions. But," he said pausing, "we got a good deal."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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