ISIS has announced that there are dozens of potty trained terrorists living secret lives within the United States, waiting for word from above to strike terror into the hearts of diaper company executives everywhere.
The revelation comes on the heals of the arrest of Iowa citizen, David Whoot,at Chicago's O'hare International Airport. He was arrested when TSA officials saw a noticeable bulge in his pants upon his return from Syria. It turned out that Mr. Whoot was wearing training pants. He is accused of traveling to the terrorist stronghold in a desperate attempt to receive toilet training.
Mr. Whoot was on a watch list and had been labeled untrainable by toilet-training experts at Hoosier College, where he performed during his sophomore year. When spotted at the airport he did not give up easily. He struggled with officers, all the while yelling that he was about to make "boom-boom".
In a statement,ISIS claimed responsibility for the bulge and stated that Mr. Whoot's arrest would not affect it's plans to unleash a flurry of toilet flushing activity "across the entire empire of the evil doers."
National Security Advisor, Lindsay Lohan, appeared unfazed by the news, stating that "We are well prepared for any uptick in toilet flushing activity."
"Our terrorist holding facilities at Guantanamo Bay are filled with unsuccessfully potty-trained prisons. Our diaper allowance there is the second highest personal care expense in our budget, right behind our allowance for binkys."
Mr. Whoot's initial court appearance is scheduled for "after nap time", Thursday afternoon.
