Obama orders military to battle global warming

Funny story written by El Capitaz

Sunday, 24 May 2015

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The new enemy in action

Top pentagon officials were quick to react in the wake of President Obama's recent proclamation to graduates of a military academy that "climate change" is a top "threat to "global security" and that military leaders who don't take appropriate action would face charges of "Dereliction of Duty."

Our inside sources reveal that the top mitary brass have already received their climate change marching orders from the Commander in Chief, and each branch of the military are well advanced in their plans to battle their new priority threat--climate change.

The Army will have the most visible role, and expects that the transition from defending against both our traditional conventional threats such as Russia, China and North Korea, as well as the unconventional threats posed by terror organizations such as Al Qaeda and ISIS, to the new top threat posed by climate change, will simply be a matter of operating domestically for the most part.

"Most of the terrorists we hunt in the Middle East prefer to drive SUVs, just like our own civilian-terrorist climate-deniers here." Said one friend inside the loop. "Putting a few twenty millimeter armor piercing rounds through an SUV on a road in Baghdad is pretty much the same thing as shooting up an SUV trying to drive on a Los Angeles freeway. Our guys are ready."

Another insider said that the first phase of taking action should last just a few days. "After people see we're serious, after we start lighting up every SUV on road in the big cities, and select rural areas, the word will spread fast--people will park those gas guzzlers and ride a bike or walk until they get their new Prius."

As usual the Air Force will partner up with the intelligence agencies, to monitor the video surveillance grid and a massive fleet of drones airborne 24 hours a day to detect and take out individuals failing to recycle properly, or wasting water by washing their Prius in the driveway.

According to our anonymous sources, the most difficult task has been assigned to the Navy and Marine Corps--they are directed to find a way to drain water from the oceans into either up into outer space or down into the earth's core, in order to counter the effects of rising sea levels. "There's is not to question why" we were informed. "They will dig a hole in the ocean if the Predident so orders. And he has."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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