Costs-Benefits Luncheon on Capitol Hill... Obama.

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Sunday, 3 May 2015

image for Costs-Benefits Luncheon on Capitol Hill... Obama.
The Congress, Capitol Hill, Washington.

Yesterday, President Obama looking resplendent in tux and bow delivered the following address to a select group of financial experts, bankers and Congressmen at a luncheon held at Capitol Hill Washington. Here is part of his address.

"Seven thousand of our troops have been slaughtered since our invasion of Iraq in 2003. But, that is not as bad as many of you may think. Cost-benefits to our government have been enormous. For those who perished your government is no longer liable for health expenses, hospital fees, doctors' fees; no old age pensions; no old people's accommodation for survivors, or hospital consultancy fees, no expensive invalidity equipment or out-care services at home. These are the hidden benefits.

The costs of making a soldier and putting him on the field, to serve his country, including subsistence, free education, welfare, medical care, uniforms and military equipment has been calculated at six million dollars. This cost per capita, pitted against our continued access to oil and control of the government of Iraq is negligible. It is sound economic sense to invade small countries rich in resources and, by means of our culture, education and media to ensure we have a steady supply of fantasists, ready, willing and able to put on a uniform and go forth to murder for Wall Street. God bless Sylvester Stallone, Clint Eastwood and all those other loyal patriots who labour ceaselessly at Hollywood to keep alive the myth of the selfless hero.

Are we not working for you? That, of course, does not include the numerous suicides of those who returned home and were unable to make sense of what they had been asked to do; or how they got around to killing strangers in a foreign country they had no right to be in and wouln't want to visit in a million years had they been civies. We gather here to honour all those who gave their lives for democracy, therefore. Who, without question, by their deaths have added to the economic health of this country. It has been, as George W. Bush predicted when speaking of the 9/11 holocaust, a "win-win situation" from the start. What we need is more troops overseas as I am sure you will all agree. To this end we are currently forming an army of Europe in which America will play a principal role.

All these gallant men and true, in or out of uniform, have helped save America from the evil intent of a tiny country on the other side of the world whose people live on figs and who have no military might worth shit, but a lot of oil worth billions. Resources we all need, people we don't, as we have a limitless supply of people and only a finite supply of oil. Thus, the more of our people we send abroad to be killed in future, the more money we will save for the people who really matter, our fellow-misanthropes who get fat on murdering their brothers and sisters, wherever they may be, whenever a fast buck is to be made,... and thus the more prosperous we will all become. May America's children of god go forth and multiply for the sake of our country and the bankers who own it.

Let us now raise our glasses to our banker friends who make it all possible and whose dedication to their noble professions, that we are all here to protect and promote, has made America the "Land of the Free"." God bless America!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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