Office workers to face corporal punishment when they misbehave

Funny story written by Jack Bromby

Tuesday, 5 May 2015

- IFL Group, an Internet marketing agency in Aberdeen brought in the system

- Punishment is used on 'a minority' of workers with low productivity or who misbehave

- Bosses smacking their employees will 'encourage other workers to work harder'

- Around 30 workers out of 100 at the company have been smacked by their bosses

- Company brought in these special measures after an 'inadequate' testimonial

A scheme has been introduced at a company where employees with low productivity or misbehaviour can now be 'spanked' by their employers.

Workers at IFL Group, an Internet marketing company based in Aberdeen, who misbehave can be called into the board meeting room and spanked in front of their entire department.

There is no limit on its use, allowing employers to spank their employees whenever they feel like it.

The company - IFL Group in Aberdeen, Scotland - defended the scheme, saying only 30 per cent of its workers had faced corporal punishment.

But industry experts warned some workers might be encouraged to misbehave to gain the punishment, especially if the spanking is administered by a female.

'This allows workers to get what they would see as a reward for poor behaviour and will be seen as a badge of honour amongst other workers,' said Peter Johnstone of the Workforce Campaign.

'It's a topsy-turvy approach where the workers are in charge of discipline rather than the boss, which would tend to undermine the disciplinary structure. It is an admission of failure by the company - a last, desperate measure.'

The scheme was also bad training for other reasons, Mr Johnstone added, because 'husbands can't just spank their wives for burning the toast… oh wait you mean they can?'

According to an insider whenever a worker misbehaves, a public meeting can be called in the board room with the entire department that person works in, the offences of the worker will be read out and the worker could also be forced to read out a public apology before receiving up to 10 strokes of the cane.

The worker's family may also be invited to attend the meeting to witness the punishment.

Offences can include watching porn on the office computers, smoking outside of the designated smoking areas, arriving late to work and low productivity or customer dissatisfaction. Even petty offences such as leaving the toilet seat up and forgetting to replace the PG Tips tea bags in the kitchen can result in a corporate spanking.

IFL Group CEO Angus MacDonald added that the scheme was already showing signs of success.

He said: 'The way we punish workers is reviewed regularly and this is a major step in keeping workers in line.

'The strategy has been a major key in increasing productivity and encouraging the rest of the office to work harder.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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